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ATL Buzz Report: Where crazy exes are met with fear

Each week, Dan Hanzus sifts through the pro football landscape to bring you sublime subplots of NFL life. Some of it he loves. Some he does not. Other stuff, he can't quite decide. The ATL Buzz Report.

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  • Sample 1

1. Genetics 101

Tom Brady and Gisele have offered up their latest piece of genetically gifted human machinery. The One They Call Vivian Lake was born Wednesday.

  • Sample 2

2. Schiano's scheme

Call us crazy, but we're into Greg Schiano's alternative to kickoffs. A much better idea than trying to obliterate the quarterback on a kneel-down play.

  • Sample 3

3. Harbaugh hits Bayside

Jim Harbaugh once played Screech's cousin (yeah) in a 1996 episode of "Saved By The Bell: The New Class." His monologue on heroism will be studied.

  • Sample 4

4. Return of Ray-Ray

Ray Lewis is back at practice. This is good news for both the Ravens and NFL Films, which now can resume tracking his every movement outside the bathroom.

  • Sample 5

5. Harbaugh vs. Tomlin

More handshake awkwardness involving a Harbaugh brother! The AFC North tiebreaker should be a "Mike Tomlin-John Harbaugh Loser Leaves Town" match.

  • Sample 6

6. LaRon's fake out

Jets safety LaRon Landry used a fake ID to play pee-wee football. Curious if he got it from the same creepy CVS graveyard-shift guy who made mine.

  • Sample 7

7. Relationship status update

Peyton Hillis compared Browns left tackle Joe Thomas to a "crazy ex-girlfriend." Here's to hoping Thomas gets Hillis a gun rack for Christmas this year.

  • Sample 8

8. Arian's ponderous tweets

Texans running back Arian Foster on mortality: "I'm sincerely not afraid to die. I'm actually kind of interested in it. I enjoy life, though." Oh, brother.

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Follow Dan Hanzus on Twitter @danhanzus.

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