Let's be honest, the level of smack run by NFL players on Twitter is pretty bad. If the Twitter talk was put in football playing terms, it's about Arena League II level at best.
Do you read me, Osi Umenyiora?
In one of the latest Twitter feuds, or Tweefs if you will, Umenyiora was called out by LeSean McCoy with some rather pointed words.
Umenyiora responded by calling McCoy a girl and comparing him to Lady Gaga. Because apparently this is the grade.
Thankfully, I am here to offer some assistance for these guys because they clearly need it. And if you aren't clever enough to come up with a dig on your own (and most if not all of these guys have proven that they are not), then why not dig up some movie quotes to at least get your point across. And trust me on this -- I grew up watching professional wrestling.
With that in mind, here are six awesome movies quotes from some great movies that could help give you the edge in a Twitter war of words.
Just missing the cut was Roddy Piper's classic line from "They Live," "I have come here to chew bubble gum and kick ass. And I'm all out of bubble gum." That would work well in pregame warmups, not Twitter.
Umenyoria also could have taken a page from Alec Baldwin's character in "Glengarry Glen Ross" and said that "Coffee and Super Bowl rings are for closers." That would always work for somebody who has a Super Bowl ring. Well, except for Eli Manning.
And without further ado …
6. "You going to do something about it, or just stand there and bleed?"
You can never go wrong quoting "Tombstone," one of the classic tough-guy movies of all-time. Trying to figure out the best quote of the movie was tough, but thank you to a few Twitter followers, @mpolicare and @socnorb777 for the suggestion. This line from Kurt Russell is perfect.
5. "You're the disease, I'm the cure."
You could probably come up with six Sylvester Stallone lines here, as his body of work in quotable movies is rather legendary. Just the "First Blood" series alone is enough. But this one from the movie "Cobra" is probably the best. And really popular on Twitter, having been suggested to me by @danhanzus and @mpb321
4. "I am going to hit you with so many rights, you are going to beg for a left."
There is no way you can do a credible list like this and exclude Chuck Norris, right? My favorite comes from a movie that six people have probably seen, "Invasion USA." Believe it or not, he also had some quotable lines from "Walker, Texas Ranger," but I still stick with this quote.
3. "I used to (take advantage of) guys like you in prison"
"Road House" needs to be in here. A reader, @michaelpauldell, suggested "Pain don't hurt," which is a good one. But this is one of the greatest lines in cinema history so it has to be included (especially if you know the rated R version). If I was Plaxico Burress, I would say this to the first guy lined up against me (it should be noted, this line was not delivered by Patrick Swayze, which knocks it down a peg).
2. "Be advised. I'm mean, nasty and tired. I eat concertina wire and piss napalm and I can put a round in a flea's ass at 200 meters."
Clint Eastwood has delivered so many memorable lines during his movie career, especially in the Dirty Harry movies and "Unforgiven." But nothing works quite like this line from "Heartbreak Ridge," easily one of my favorite Eastwood movies. Honestly, if you watch one movie about the Grenada Conflict, makes sure it's Heartbreak Ridge.
1. "Are you going to bark all day little doggy, or are you going to bite?"
Quentin Tarantino has given us a lot of quotable movie lines. A ton. None better than this one. Especially when you consider all of the profanity-laced tirades in his movies, this line from Mr. Blonde (Michael Madsen) in "Resservoir Dogs" is the best. Condescending and tough, and a whole lot better of an option that calling somebody Lady Gaga.
Did I miss one? You can send more suggestions via Twitter, and we will discuss the best ones on Dave Dameshek Football Program.