Robert Griffin III is a member of the Cleveland Browns. How could we -- as a people -- let this happen?
Let's face it: This is a cosmic doom sandwich for the ages. A quick exercise to illustrate my point: Close your eyes, get to a quiet place and try to imagine a scenario in which Griffin is giving a candid, soft-lit interview with Jay Glazer. In this sitdown, Griffin discusses how he got healthy, re-calibrated his game and led the Browns back to respectability.
Some sample dialogue in case you're struggling:
"You know Jay, coming to Cleveland was the ultimate blessing for me and my family. The people of this city embraced us in a way I never expected and Hue molded me into the quarterback I always knew I could be. Having Jared (Goff) on the sideline is in no way a threat or a distraction. He's more like a little brother ... or a best friend. Really, every start is a blessing, Jay. I am really enjoying this first-round bye, by the way."
OK, open your eyes. You couldn't picture it, could you? And you know why? Because you're not a) on drugs or b) on drugs that successfully allow your mind to navigate beyond itself.
It's just that I when read that sources close to Hue Jackson said that the coach when he watched RGIII in a workout, I could only wince and think, "Ooof, that's going to look bad in eight months."
My fear is that this is another Browns car crash in slow motion. That Griffin -- despite the amazing rookie year and special company with Hue The QB Whisperer -- is a progress-stopper. That Griffin's biggest contribution will be limited to adding another name to the back of that infernal storefront jersey.
Perhaps I'll be insanely wrong. But probably not.
Welcome to the Around The NFL End Around, a semi-weekly look back at the world of the National Football League. Dan Hanzus serves as your guide.
Aa-Rod's close encounter
Is it weird that Aaron Rodgerstalking about a UFO sighting on a podcast makes me believe in the possibility of extraterrestrial life about nine percent more?
I know this is ridiculous, but Rodgers connects with me as a smart, inquisitive dude who has his stuff together on such a high level. An elite level, even. The man has won a Super Bowland*Celebrity Jeopardy!* -- what other bonafides do you need?
"It was a large orange, left-to-right-moving object," Rodgers explained to comedian Pete Holmes on the You Made It Weird podcast. "Because of the overcast nature of the night and the snow, you couldn't make out ... it was behind the clouds we were seeing, but it was definitively large, moving from left to right. ... And it goes out of sight and we look at each other and go, 'What in the f--- was that?'"
This reminds me of being 13 years old and watching Fire In The Sky, an otherwise forgettable film that included a particularly harrowing abduction sequence. Cowardly chills on this end. While we're here, what would happen if aliens straight-up abductedAaron Rodgers? Would that be a declaration of war? I kind of feel like it would be.
Now I'm trying to picture Donald Trump delivering the Bill Pullman speech and everything is just going dark. Let's move on.
What's Tom Brady up to?
Oof. This guy's life is just filled with bitter disappointment.
And now, J.J. Watt and a former First Lady of The United States of America
That's them.
Area man demands personal space in confrontational manner
I know a lot of people -- particularly in the New England region -- found this to be perfectly acceptable behavior at the coaches breakfast this week. To me, it's the type of thing Bud Kilmer would do shortly before forcing Paul Walker to get another pain injection in his knee. The BB statue isn't even up in Foxborough and I'm ready to tear the sucker down!
(Did I mention I'm a bitter Jets fan? I'm pretty sure I did.)
The Annual Meeting coaches photo is never not funny
Takeaways:
» Rex Ryan's entire wardrobe is from the Sidelines Collection.
» I'm pretty sure the guy standing between Gus Bradley and Mike Tomlin is Lee Harvey Oswald.
» Hue Jackson looks like he's riding in Todd Bowles' motorcycle side car.
» It's cool they let Jeff Fisher sit front and center after losing his arm in that factory accident.
» Mike McCarthy could play The Mountain's body double on Game Of Thrones.
» Wake up, sheeple. What do you think Belichick was up to during this silly exercise? #classphotogate
Tyrod Taylor Thursdays!
On TTT, make sure to turn off your phone off and stay away from email so that Tyrod Taylor's representation is unable contact you about a potential contract extension!
Tweet Of The Week
I'm starting to get the feeling Greg Hardy might be spending a long time on the unemployment line.
Quote of the Week
"As long as Tom is around, he's a resource and we're going to welcome him."
-- Giants coach Ben McAdoo, when he was asked if he was OK with his predecessor, Tom Coughlin, making repeated visits to the team complex.
Mr. Coughlin. Tom. You did it. You've got two rings and a lifetime of goodwill from the Giants and their fans. I say this with peace and love. Go home, Tom.
Hero of the Week: Eddie Lacy
Eddie gonna do it guys. Adjust your fantasy draft board accordingly.
Until next time ...