Every week of the NFL season tells a story. GIFs -- pronounced "gifs", "jifs" or "gee-oafs" -- can do the same thing. So let's tell the story of Week 9 through GIFs.
This might be my favorite moment of unintentional comedy in NFL this season. Kirk Cousins corrals a rogue snap from his center and, in what appears to be a general panic, shovels the ball into the hands of his running back, who is immediately swallowed up by the Seahawks defense in a ferocious manner.
During a Monday morning radio spot, Cousins explained that running back Rob Kelley was actually calling for the ball.
"This is why I love Rob Kelley," Cousins told 106.7 The Fan, via The Washington Post. "Because if the ball is seemingly 10 stories high and I'm just waiting for it to come down hoping I don't get sandwiched in the process, I hear Rob yelling -- I don't remember exactly what he said -- but I remember hearing something like, 'Kirk give it to me.'
"He was basically like, let me be the sacrificial lamb. I could feel him next to me and I could hear him saying, like, 'Let me take it, let me take it.' The minute I got it, I could feel him there and I just handed it to him, both of us recognizing that he'll take the hit for both of us. That's why you love Rob. He's a teammate in every sense of the word and wants to win and is willing to put it on the line for the group."
What a hero! I mean, I'm not sure I actually believe it, but everybody comes out looking good here. Kelley is the selfless and brave teammate. Cousins is the clear-headed and appreciative field general. The only real loser here is Rob Kelley's yards per carry average, which, let's be honest, didn't need this nonsense right now.
This is the frustrated look of a man who knows you have to be almost perfect -- just about flawless, really -- to match the stunning success, honor and everlasting prestige of the RMS Titanic.
There he is, our beautiful young prince, our light, our future, the phenom who was to breathe precious new life into the American Football Conference. And for a few weeks, Deshaun Watson did just that. Hold on to that radiance, keep it inside to warm your soul. The young prince is gone, but he will return.
I know there are probably people out there who have parental concerns about Football Baby and whether he should have been in the front row of a NFL stadium filled with 70,000 screaming fans. And yes, I understand the inherent dangers that come with attempting to celebrate a touchdown with an adrenaline-fueled NFL player while dangling your toddler like MJ and Blanket in '02.
But the great news is that Football Baby is all good. The child was clearly spooked, but otherwise unharmed by this adventure, and now the little guy has a forever souvenir of the day his dad officially indoctrinated him into Who Dat Nation. Upon closer review, I find no fault on the part of Football Dad, and furthermore, commend him for organic Cool Dad behavior.
Ever worked with one of those people who just hate their job and speak on that subject almost exclusively? Are you that person? Anyway, I think of Hate My Job Guy whenever they cut to a sideline shot of Dolphins coach Adam Gase.
Now I don't want to make unfair assumptions. Adam Gase is probably quite happy in his employment. He quite possibly adores his job. I don't profess to know the man. But just pay attention to Gase's body language the next time you watch a Dolphins game. He is almost always perturbed about something, and he can deliver an eyeroll than could rival Liz Lemon herself.
Not that you need to look happy to be a successful NFL coach. Bill Belichick built like 50 percent of his legend on being miserable. Bill Parcells practically bathed in his own cantankerousness. Being salty is effective. Perhaps Gase has made a conscious decision to emulate the best.
Is it just me, or does Titans left tackle Taylor Lewan kind of look like the Followill brother who didn't have the musical chops to actually be in Kings of Leon so the rest of the band decided to do him a solid by letting him run security during their tours? What? I'm literally the only person in the world who thinks about this? OK then.
This is the look when you make the 360-mile drive from Western New York to the Jersey Meadowlands -- on a work night -- only to see your team lay an egg against a seemingly inferior division rival. These are types of fan experiences that makes your basic cable package or prominent internet streaming service look a lot more enticing.
According to US Department of Veterans Affairs statistics, only 558,000 of the 16 million Americans who served in World War II are alive in 2017. Brooks and others like him once saved the world. Literally! They cannot be paid enough respect.
Until next week.