It was a good week for ...
It was a bad week for ...
2. Frank Cignetti: The man always had a name better suited for the life of a grizzled private investigator or an obsessed detective who plays by his own rules because the only rule to him is that the bad guys finish last. Perhaps he can follow this path after the Rams asked him to turn in his gun and badge on Monday.
Tweet HEAT of the Week
Let's call it a draw. On some level, I kind of feel badly for Browner, whose claim to fame now is that he's pretty much the worst cornerback in the NFL. We have data and tape that don't lie. What does it say about the Saints that they surely know this and still can't find somebody to replace him?
Take the week off, Browns
I get it, Browns. Every week, you have your "Film Breakdown" segment, sponsored by Earth Overlord Papa John. But how about we just skip any retrospective on a game in which you got absolutely pasted in your building by a division rival? Just let it breathe. Paul Kruger isn't going to complain, nor will the fan base.
What, you can say the same thing about the weekly column? Listen PAL, don't change the subject.
Someone help Tom Coughlin
Bills fans still insane
Yes, I've had my eye on the increasingly insane behavior going on at Bills tailgates this season (unless this has always been the scene in Western New York?), but I've steered clear for two reasons: 1) Deadspin has done a nice job owning this beat and 2) Drunk Bills fans cannot post an online video without dropping at least 12 f-bombs every 30 seconds. We're a family site, you know.
But I do want to acknowledge what's going on and call attention to this attempt by one fan to Undertaker choke slam a troubled Santa through a plastic table. This is especially notable because the maneuver fails and Santa ends out splayed across the table, his spine irreparably damaged and Zubaz peeking into view.
Meanwhile, on the Throne Of Ease ...
What the what?
"Her producer came over for her to sing some tracks. She said, 'Eric, jump on and sing it once.' So I sang it, thinking, 'Whatever, it's kind of a joke, maybe it's sent out to family members.' With a little help from Auto-Tune (an audio processor), they made me sound real good. I was surprised. I mean, it was good, but Auto-Tune made it sound a lot better."
This is a bad explanation. Keep it real, Eric. "My wildly attractive wife told me to do this, so I did." That's it. Just own it. And, for the record, I'm not sure the Auto-Tune does Decker much favors. He kind of sounds disturbed.
Then again, the lyrics of "Baby, It's Cold Outside" don't do him any favors. This is -- with the possible exclusion of Santa Baby -- the creepiest Christmas song in the game. I wouldn't be surprised if was deemed culturally unacceptable in the next 20 years. It's a song about a dude who doesn't want his girl to leave, so he essentially blocks her exit, moves in closer and pours her another drink. That's legit problematic!
This is a good touchdown celebration
I remain all in on Antonio Brown touchdown celebrations. His front flip into the end zone last month remains my favorite celebration of the season, and Sunday night's goal post hug -- with security guard caught in the crossfire -- might take the silver medal.
It's a damn travesty he had a FedEx envelope sitting on his stool this week. He should have received a trophy.
Let's keep it real Shady
Some low-octane drama between Eagles coach Chip Kelly and running back LeSean McCoy, who was traded to the Bills in the offseason. Kelly acknowledged to reporters this week that the Shady trade could have been handled better and said he'd like to shake McCoy's hand before Sunday's Bills-Eagles matchup. That prompted this response from McCoy.
"Listen man. Chip can't shake s---. At all. Nothing. He knows this. That's why I said it -- I know him. He's very intelligent, so I can read between the lines."
McCoy repeatedly told reporters he has no animosity with Kelly. Which is crap! LeSean McCoy despises him some Chip Kelly. Let's just lay it all out there. You're already telling teammates how much this game means. Don't play coy with the rest of us. "It is my duty to destroy Chip Kelly.
Quote of the Week
"I was forced to learn a hard lesson."
Rodgers Star Wars guy
This is undeniably dorky, but what do you expect from a guy who watches Jeopardy! every night? We kid, it's actually quite endearing. Meanwhile, if you're a Packers fan and a Star Wars guy, find out what's the closest theater to Green Bay's practice facility. Chances are Rodgers will be at one of those shows next Friday.
Owner dabbing is a thing now
The Panthers' reaction to Jerry Richardson's adorable dab makes me want them to never lose this season.
Hero of the Week: Dez Bryant
Dez is trapped in Cassel purgatory this season, so why not find another way to make this year worthwhile? The Cowboys wide receiver had a interesting reaction when told that the NFL is putting together a committee to take another look at the confounding catch rule. Bryant, of course, was robbed of a catch in the playoffs last season that could have sent the Cowboys to the NFC Championship Game.
"That's cool!" he said. "They need to invite me. Tell them they need to call me, so I can have my input."
I don't know if Bryant was serious, but let's hope he is. It would make a ton of sense to have a player involved with the process. They. Need. To. Get. This. Right.
Villain of the Week: Cam Newton enemies of joy
Until next time ...