Every week of the NFL season tells a story. GIFs -- pronounced "gifs", "jifs" or "gee-oafs" -- can do the same thing. So let's tell the story of Week 7 through GIFs. There's logic in play here.
Let's begin today with a huge shout-out to Mother Nature, who gave television viewers something to hold on to Sunday night once it became clear the Falcons failed to board the plane for their Super Bowl rematch. It's especially fun watching a legend like Al Michaels -- a dude who has seen and done it all over 40 years in the booth -- moved out of his comfort zone by the heavy fog that rolled into Foxborough.
We also got to see the sport televised in different ways as the fog cover knocked out any possibility of using the standard camera angles typically employed for football games. Sometimes innovation comes out of necessity. I wonder if NBC will run back any of the tricks they used to survive on Sunday night. One concern: Is Michele Tafoya accounted for?
Here's Kenny Stills looking like a character in a football movie where producers fail to secure team and logo rights. "Kenny 'The Thriller' Roberts is the heart and soul of the Miami Sand Dogs. An amazing player, no doubt, but don't get him angry! He's put six opponents and two teammates in the hospital in the past year alone!"
[ENTER SINBAD AND SCOTT BAKULA]
It is not remotely a coincidence that the Bears scored on a 76-yard pick-six moments after this cool-ass bro in Aviators was shown on camera. That dude is what it's all about.
At this point, I feel like most NFL fans are aware of the Cardinals quarterbacks and their long-running throw-the-ball-in-the-can contest. The loser of the weekly competition has to show up for pre-game stretching on Sunday in an outfit chosen by the winner. Well, Drew Stanton did not win the most recent battle.
Palmer brought the QB Bucket Challenge to Arizona in 2013. One wonders if Sunday's potentially season-ending (and potentially Cardinals career-ending) injury means the challenge is done for good. Let's hope not, but if it is, I'm happy it went out with a superhero bang.
Stay Puft still gets the all-time win, though.
1) Anderson spots the empty front-row seats and doesn't hesitate. He hops over the wall with ease, kicks his legs up, then stands up and hoists both hands in the air in exultation. Anderson is not short on confidence; his personality really shines through here. Even the Dolphins fans seated next to the team seem to offer grudging respect.
2) Anderson's celebration has the dual effect of pointing out that the Dolphins had a ocean of empty leather seats in the front row of an important division game. He invades this shamefully unoccupied space and makes himself at home. It's a troll job.
You won't find an empty seat when you jump into the first row at Lambeau Field. You're also sure to find a lot of very friendly Packers fans if you're on the home team. In Sunday's case with Aaron Jones, we're talking about some very friendly Cheeseheads. Is that a thigh guard or are you just happ ... I'll stop.
"JOB GAINS HAVE REMAINED SOLID IN RECENT MONTHS, AND THE UNEMPLOYMENT RATE HAS STAYED LOW. HOUSEHOLD SPENDING HAS BEEN EXPANDING AT A MODERATE RATE, AND GROWTH IN BUSINESS FIXED INVESTMENT HAS PICKED UP IN RECENT QUARTERS."
The Browns' perennial struggles used to be a sad in a lovable pre-2016 Chicago Cubs kind of way for NFL fans. It's not so lovable right now. We have reached unprecedented levels of ineptitude in Berea, and the worst part is that there is zero evidence that things are going to get better in the short- or long term. The team went out of its way to miss out on Carson Wentz and Deshaun Watson in back-to-back years. I used to chalk up the Browns' eternal quarterback hunt to a combination of bad fortune and bad direction. But Cleveland's current plight has nothing to do with bad luck. What have we seen to suggest the Browns have the right leadership upstairs or on the sideline?
Andy Dalton, the NFL's Glowing Gingerman, remains a transfixing presence. Dalton possesses a shock of orange hair that jumps off the screen and leaves you scrambling for the dusty fire extinguisher under the sink left behind by the previous tenants. (Bad news: it expired in 2003.) Anyway, I was legitimately taken aback when Dalton made eye contact with the camera on Sunday. I've always wondered if players could feel a lens trained on them in this manner. It can't be a comfortable feeling. This was the most intimate connection I've had with a fellow human in months. Help me.
Meanwhile, we can't move on without sharing my other favorite AFC North quarterback intimate close-up of the day ...
If this doesn't become a popular reaction meme, the internet has failed us (again).
Is Greg Olsen one of those guys who takes his shoes off on an airplane? "JUST GOTTA AIR OUT MY DOGS!" Don't call your feet dogs, guys.
I get that fashion is important to Cam Newton and I'm not going to judge his style -- after all, I'm a man who wears the same five shirts every week. But it might not be the worst idea for Cam to pack two postgame suits for road trips. Label one "WIN" and the other "LOSS". If Carolina went to Soldier Field and took care of business on Sunday, I'd think nothing of Newton's attire. But when you lose by two touchdowns to a team that had five total first downs? How about a nice traditional suit and tie? Just rein it in a bit.
I know, I know. "It's funny to hear a male sportswriter talk about suits." Just trying to be helpful.