Every week of the NFL season tells a story. GIFs -- pronounced "gifs", "jifs" or "gee-oafs" -- can do the same thing. So let's tell the story of Week 6 through GIFs. There's logic in play here.
Ugh. Last week, I wrote in my weekly research notes column that Aaron Rodgers is the most fun quarterback I've wached in my lifetime. I'm far from alone in that sentiment, which is what makes his injury so disappointing for so many football fans. Above is probably the last image we'll have of Rodgers on an NFL field in 2017 -- frustrated, likely aware of the severity of his situation, and barking at Anthony Barr, the man who plastered him to the turf and single-handedly changed the complexion of the NFC.
Rodgers' injury has turned the conference in a wide-open sprint to Minneapolis on the first Sunday of February, but it doesn't make it a better race. The league losing J.J. Watt, Odell Beckham and Rodgers in the span of seven days is bad for everyone, even the teams that will benefit from their absences.
What Golden's missing here are the lower body theatrics that precede the elbow drop. That's the crucial aspect of The People's Elbow. It's not really about the elbow at all -- this is a full-body celebration over a fallen jabroni. FINAL RULING: Tate gets an A for originality, but a B- for execution.
"You thought you were done with me, didn't you? You thought it was over. You thought I was history. News flash, sweetheart: Nobody gets rid of Big Daddy Elisha that easy. Nobody."
It seems like Raiders punter Marquette King is still having fun, but I sense a sadness about the man this season. I think it goes back to the surprise retirement of Pat McAfee, the relentlessly jaunty former Colts special teams ace who took the title of America's Most Entertaining Punter very seriously. Now that McAfee is gone, King appears rudderless. What's Batman without Joker? LeBron without Steph? Liam with no Noel?
"Let me tell ya something. Nowadays, everybody's gotta go to shrinks, and counselors, and go on "Sally Jessy Raphael" and talk about their problems. What happened to Gary Cooper? The strong, silent type. That was an American. He wasn't in touch with his feelings. He just did what he had to do."
-- Tony Soprano
Everybody wants to be the quarterback. The glory boys gravitate to wide receiver. The glory boys who can't catch play cornerback. But the real men remain in the trenches. They grunt and slobber and punish each other -- not for fame, endorsements or your entertainment -- just the survival of the team's game plan. Gary Cooper is still alive and he does his business at the line of scrimmage.
Cam Jordan knows he's not allowed to dunk over the crossbar anymore. The NFL made that exceedingly clear even after relaxing celebration restrictions this offseason. Which is what made his decision to throw it down with authority so much more effective following his game-clinching pick six against the Lions. How often does a defensive lineman get to deliver his team a high-stakes 50-burger? The refs can take the 15 yards and the discipline department can make sure an FedEx envelope lands on his stool -- but they can't take away Cam Jordan's freedom.
Is that what I think it is? Jay Cutler -- thatJay Cutler -- expressing enthusiasm in organized competition? The world truly is a wondrous place. The Dolphins went into Atlanta and shocked the defending NFC champions on Sunday, which means "Jay Cutler" and "gutty comeback" can now exist in the same sentence in the year 2017. Do not try to put Jay Cutler in a box.
No, Jets tight end Austin Seferian-Jenkins was not just told his Range Rover was dropped into the Hudson River. He had a crucial fourth-quarter touchdown wiped off the books thanks to the NFL's Byzantine rulebook. The league predictably stood by the call on Monday morning, but it remains difficult to reason there was clear evidence that Seferian-Jenkins did not have control of the ball as he crashed into the end zone. Simply put, it still doesn't pass the common sense smell test. That it happened to the Jets (an eternally star-crossed franchise) and benefitted the Patriots (who have bathed in a waterfall of good fortune for nearly two decades) makes it feel all the more unjust.
Blerg. Until next week ...