Donovan McNabb isn't a stranger to his lawn being vandalized, like Craig T. Nelson in "All the Right Moves." It happened to McNabb before the 2008 NFC Championship Game. And after a car ran into McNabb's yard this week in Maryland, initial reports indicated foul play wasn't involved.
How naïve. This calls for an investigation, and we line up the six top suspects in this alleged crime.
Considered: The Hogs. Sure they wear dresses, but they can only take so much humiliation.
And without further ado ...
6. Rex Grossman
Who has the most to gain from McNabb leaving town? That's right, Colin Kaepernick, Ryan Mallett, Christian Ponder ... or any of the other guys the Redskins might draft after moving down from the 10th overall pick. Grossman probably doesn't realize that, though. But really, if it was Grossman, he likely would have missed the mark.
5. Rush Limbaugh
Comments about McNabb cost Limbaugh his gig at ESPN. But it's hard to imagine Limbaugh not taking credit for this, seeing as how he loves any publicity. If it was Limbaugh, it likely wasn't out of malicious intent, but rather fishing around for an Oxycontin bottle on the floorboard.
4. Freddie Mitchell
Mitchell likely harbors a grudge against McNabb for helping to ruin his career. In fact, it wouldn't surprise me if Mitchell had a white board in his house with the names of McNabb, Terrell Owens and Bill Belichick written on it, like Steve Buscemi's character in "Billy Madison."
3. The Shanahans
You could see Redskins coach Mike Shanahan driving his car through McNabb's fence, and then son Kyle blaming the shape of the fence, saying it wasn't fit to stand up to the impact of an oncoming car. Then all three would agree there really isn't a feud.
2. Terrell Owens
T.O. almost was ruled out because he would be way too obvious. But that's what makes it the perfect crime. Although, like Limbaugh, it's tough seeing T.O. having any bad intentions because he has buried the hatchet with McNabb. Maybe T.O. just wanted to do some crunches in McNabb's driveway.
1. Leslie Frazier
This seems odd, right? What would Frazier have to gain here? Well, by driving through McNabb's fence, Frazier could convince the quarterback that staying in Washington is unsafe and he should request a trade to someplace safe. Yes, someplace like Minnesota. That plan is genius!
Then again, you would have to consider Ken Whisenhunt, Pete Carroll or any other coach from a quarterback-needy team. Heck, Jim Harbaugh could have told his brother, John, to drive up from Baltimore and take care of it.