If we ever bump into Dr. Ari Novick, we will shake that man's hand.
Brilliance deserves to be recognized, and Novick has figured out how to monetize drunken idiocy with his $75 four-hour class and "code-of-conduct" test that unruly fans must pass for re-admittance to games at some NFL stadiums.
Having never been physically removed from a public sporting event, we can't share the exam with you, and we'd wear a new Peyton Manning jersey to the Black Hole before shelling out $75.
So here's the Around The League exam instead. Keep your eyes on your own paper please.
1) If you're at Mile High and you find yourself screaming at John Fox to put Tim Tebow back in, should you stop drinking?
Answer: Yes
2) True or false: If you wear Kenny Powers sunglasses and bust out your old pair of Zubaz, you become -- by definition -- above the law.
Answer: False
3) Is it OK to ask your buddy to make sure he picks up tofu pies for the Sunday tailgate?
Answer: No
4) If Terrell Owens comes up to you in the parking lot and asks if you'll play catch, what do you do?
Answer: Show some mercy, warm up your arm
5) Is that one redheaded cheerleader at the 30-yard line into you?
Answer: No ... and stop staring. You're creeping everybody out.
6) If a John Mayer song comes on the stadium PA, is it OK to sob openly and explain to your entire section it reminds you of your ex?
Answer: No
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Charley Casserly projects the first two rounds of the 2012 NFL Draft, with no quarterbacks coming off the board in Round 2. **More ...**
7) If your friend tells you he's going to run on the field and measure Ed Hochuli's biceps, do you:
A) Handcuff his leg to the nearest support beam
B) Ask when he gained a death wish
C) Call his mother and tell her you're worried about him
D) All of the above
8) Seriously though, is it OK to wear Zubaz?
Answer: No, man. Jeez.
9) If you're standing near the player tunnel and Brandon Weeden emerges, is it OK to ask to see his AARP card?
Answer: Obviously
10) If you have to take a fan conduct test to get back into an NFL stadium, does this mean there are probably -- personally speaking -- bigger issues to tackle?
Answer:**Oh most definitely**.
Pencils down please.
