» I've never lived underwater in a sea base charting wave movement for months on end.
» I've never boarded a flying saucer.
» I've never eaten tuna fish (and remain highly suspicious of humans who do).
» I've never rolled cross-country in a party bus, responsibility-free, with a guest list of my choosing. (Said list includes: Natalie Portman, Wes Anderson, Tom Brokaw, Philip Seymour Hoffman, R5-D4, Peter Acton Jr., the Two Broke Girls girls, Jimmy Johnson, Webster Slaughter, Bob Costas, Abbie Cornish, Jo-Jo Townsell and a found wallet belonging to Phil Knight, who's unreachable because he's lost in the tropics with Browns-spurning Chip Kelly. Result: Endless funds. Rose-colored futures. Manifest destinies unfolding before us like the great flower of the east.)
» And, until today, I have never authored the intro to our picks post after coming in dead last the week before.
And I never will again. Back to you, Hanzus.
Our picks -- including my LOCKS FOR THE WEEK -- reside below:
-- Marc Sessler