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Picking winners for the NFL divisional playoffs

The divisional round of the NFL playoffs (the best sports weekend of the year) is upon us. As Matt Ryan aims to do something he's never done before with the Atlanta Falcons -- win a playoff game -- I also ponder the experiences I've never had in this lifetime. Off the top of my head:

» I've never lived underwater in a sea base charting wave movement for months on end.

» I've never boarded a flying saucer.

» I've never eaten tuna fish (and remain highly suspicious of humans who do).

» I've never laid eyes on a scrappy Cleveland Browns team that rises from the ashes to shred a bewildered AFC en route to a Super Bowl trashing of some heavily favored NFC powerhouse. They are celebrated throughout the northern lands for the next 2,000 years as kings among men.

» I've never rolled cross-country in a party bus, responsibility-free, with a guest list of my choosing. (Said list includes: Natalie Portman, Wes Anderson, Tom Brokaw, Philip Seymour Hoffman, R5-D4, Peter Acton Jr., the Two Broke Girls girls, Jimmy Johnson, Webster Slaughter, Bob Costas, Abbie Cornish, Jo-Jo Townsell and a found wallet belonging to Phil Knight, who's unreachable because he's lost in the tropics with Browns-spurning Chip Kelly. Result: Endless funds. Rose-colored futures. Manifest destinies unfolding before us like the great flower of the east.)

» And, until today, I have never authored the intro to our picks post after coming in dead last the week before.

And I never will again. Back to you, Hanzus.

Our picks -- including my LOCKS FOR THE WEEK -- reside below:

-- Marc Sessler

* Based on nobility.
** Only person to pick a game right.

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