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Ochocinco should at least be entertaining in New England

The most amazing thing about the Chad Ochocinco trade to New England is not the relative low price the Patriots paid for the enigmatic receiver. That was to be expected. The Patriots negotiating with the Bengals is about as one-sided as Obi-Wan Kenobi telling the storm troopers that these are not the droids they are looking for.

Am I the only one who remembers that the Redskins once offered a pair of first-round picks in exchange for Ochocinco in 2008? Oh well, at least the Bengals won't get ripped off in their Carson Palmer deal.

I will be honest. I am looking forward to the Ochocinco era in New England. Sure, he might not be the receiver he once was -- as we are reminded about that a lot -- but it still should be entertaining. A piece of advice to Chad -- don't tone down your act, but whatever you do, do not mention Rex Ryan's foot deal.

With that in mind, I am ready to offer six bold predictions for the upcoming season.

And without further ado …

6. What is in a number?
Ochocinco said that he would break the bank to get No. 85 from tight end Aaron Hernandez. But after Hernandez just gave up the number, Ochocinco lobbies -- unsuccessfully -- to combine his love of his number and for Twitter in an attempt to become the first person to have a hash-tag and atmark on his uniform, wanting to be #@85.

5. Wait, football is fun again
After learning that Ochocinco and Terrell Owens will not be in Cincinnati this year, Carson Palmer suddenly remembers that he likes to play football and calls the Bengals to ask to return. The Bengals being the Bengals, decline because they just don't want to win football games are going younger.

4. Shape up
Ochocinco barely avoids injury after taunting new teammate Albert Haynesworth about his weight. Thankfully for the receiver, Haynesworth gets winded three steps into his chase and plops down on the floor to take a nap.

3. End zone celebration goes bad
Ochocinco promises to tone down his act, but ultimately cannot resist the temptation to grab one of the Minutemen's hat and fire the rifle after scoring in Week 2 against the Chargers. Everybody has a good laugh, except for a confused Ryan Mallett, who believes the gunshot came from the authorities prompting him to jump into the stands in an effort to run away.

The fledgling sports network OCNN gets its first scoop when it reports that Tom Brady really isn't injured at all, and his name being on the injury report is just a big put on. But what does OCNN do if it discovers some questionable preparation practices?

1. Stranded on the Island
Playing in the AFC East gives Ochocinco two more opportunities to get shutdown by Jets cornerback Darrelle Revis starting with a matchup in Week 5. But don't worry Chad, it's not like the Jets are courting Nnamdi Asomugha. Oh, right.

What are your bold predictions for Ochcocinco? Hit me up via Twitter or via Facebook. Be sure to catch the latest on the Dave Dameshek Football Program.

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