Welcome to the Around The League End Around, a weekly look back at the world of the NFL. Dan Hanzus serves as your guide.
It was a good week for ...
It was a bad week for ...
What the What?
Here's the upshot of a predictive tattoo: A local news affiliate might do a story on you. That could lead to your name popping up in a few sports blogs, where jerks like me will make a few B- jokes at your expense before the comment section assassinates your character. If you're lucky, the perpetually stoned kid at 7-Eleven will give you a Slurpee on the house.
The down side is fairly apparent. Barring expensive and painful laser removal surgery, you become best known as the guy who made a really bad life decision. You're now this guy. What is that guy going to do with his life now? There are no girlfriends. Anywhere.
NOW, here's the right move if you really want to go this route. It's going to seem like stupid, borderline offensive advice, but I assure you it is legitimate.
Wait until your team wins the Super Bowl. Then get the tattoo. After that, tell anybody who asks that you got the tattoo in December. Hell, say you got it during training camp. Or two years before that.
HOW WILL THEY EVER KNOW? Lying is sometimes underrated.
The Titans are adorable
So much information!
Tweet of the week
Speaking of adorable.
Quote of the Week, Part I
"I know a lot of people ask what Omaha means and it's -- Omaha is a run play, but it could be a pass play or a play-action pass depending on a couple things: the wind, which way we're going, the quarter and the jerseys that we're wearing. So it varies, really, play to play, so, that's -- there's your answer to that one."
Quote of the Week, Part II
"If players are scrambling around to learn a new system, good. That's another fire in their rear end."
Hero of the Week: NFL-obsessed pastor
Can you go to Hell for this? If he made it home in time for kickoff, I suppose you could argue it was worth it. On a (barely) related note, here's Homer Simpson in Hell, flummoxing the Ironic Punishment Division.
Villains of the Week: Teams ignoring Wade Phillips
I don't want to work for a league that doesn't have any use for the Son of Bum. Get it together, NFL. Wade Phillips makes life better.
Two of my esteemed colleagues provide a detailed look at this weekend's games. They also predict the final scores, which should obviously be taken as fact.
Until next time ...