The most common (more like lamest) excuse for not playing fantasy football is the tired refrain, "I just don't have the time." Because yes, we all lead very busy lives. Oh yes, how can find time for fantasy football as we're busy curing cancer, finding alternative fuels sources and watching over Sector 2814.
To quote the former Chad Ochocinco, "Child please."
You don't think you have time? You're wrong. Here are six things you can certainly cut out of your life to be able to play fantasy football.
And without further ado ...
Well, not me. I'm a Lakers fan. But unless you're a fan of the Lakers, Heat, and I guess the Thunder, why you would even bother for the next couple of years? But if you don't want to quit the NBA cold turkey, there's absolutely no reason to watch before the Christmas Day games - the unofficial start of the NBA season anyway -- which conveniently falls two weeks after fantasy championships in Week 16.
Dean Martin looked cool smoking. You did not, so you should probably quit anyway, fantasy implications or not. But they say the key to quit smoking is to find a new behavior to replace the bad habit. So instead of reaching for a lung dart every hour, use those ten minutes to research some deep sleepers, get an injury report from Seattle or scout using NFL Game Rewind. Your heart will thank you.
How many times have you asked yourself, "If I just had 10 more minutes in the day?" And yet every morning, many of us repeatedly hit the snooze button (I'm actually the league leader in hitting the snooze button). You know who doesn't hit the snooze button? Jimmy Haslam. And he now owns the Cleveland Browns. Think about it.
This might be a little harsh. You probably should continue to read to your kids, but why must those stories be confined to Paddington Bear or Curious George adventures? Why not read your kid my latest Pick Six or Like/Dislike column? Most readers on this site say it puts them to sleep anyway. And you can continue the bonding experience by taking shots at me in the comments section. Now that's family fun.
My life has remarkably improved since I stopped watching "Royal Pains." I mean, I love stories about rich people from the Hamptons contracting rare illnesses only a concierge doctor can cure, but enough was enough. So go find that drain on your DVR and free 44 minutes of your week to be used for fantasy football. I suggest "Dexter."
Seriously. Go to your Facebook page right now. In your news feed, there will be at least one photo of somebody's meal (although it does look like an awesome burrito), somebody's bad joke (probably mine) and a "Someecard" which probably failed to hit the mark. Yes, I'm pretty sure you can give all of this up on Monday morning to devote some time to your fantasy team.
Besides, you should be hanging out at Google+ anyway.