This, apparently, is not what's happening.
In a mind-warping series of events, Jay Cutler's banged-up thumb has run free and taken to social media to confront its owner.
Cutler -- after possibly reflecting on the absurdity of modern society -- fired back: "Less talking out of you and more rehab! Go find some ice or something."
Then things took a deeper voyage into the absurd, with multiple Twitter accounts claiming to be Cutler's thumb, slinging insults and accusing each other of actually being the passer's less-notorious left thumb.
By sundown, @jaycutlerthumb (the finger from above) had openly sparred with @JayCutlersThumb, a second entity that -- judging by the tweets -- is a slightly more cantankerous digit.