In honor of the Conrad Murray ruling Monday, it's time for me to take the chair in the court of Adam's opinion to hand down some rulings in the NFL. And who knows? With court culture being so popular, maybe I can spin this into an appearance on "Dancing with the Stars."
In any event, please rise. The honorable Judge Adam is residing. I have read all of your statements, please be seated and get ready for my rulings.
And without further ado …
6. Verdict: Mark Sanchez isn't a Super Bowl quarterback
And this verdict comes down in an era when both Manning brothers have not only won Super Bowls but were selected as the game's most valuable player, so nearly any quarterback can win one. But if there ever was one play to sum up what I think about Sanchez, it's this one. Oh boy.
5. Verdict: The Gatorade bath is done
Did the Ravens really dump the Gatorade bucket on coach John Harbaugh's head after beating the Steelers on Sunday night? Congratulations, Ravens, you just passed the Raiders for winning the most November Super Bowls. Confession: I didn't know that teams still did the Gatorade bath for winning big games, but that's because I mainly watch Chargers games.
4. Verdict: Norv Turner's time is done in San Diego
Orange County Register preps reporter Steve Fryer (best in the world) hates when I deride Turner, but how many years of underachieving must Chargers fans endure before turning the page? Standing over the chalk outline of Philip Rivers' once-promising career is enough evidence for a conviction in this case.
3. Verdict: The Patriots aren't Super Bowl contenders
Here's something I've been saying for weeks on "The Dave Dameshek Football Program": The Patriots' defense is lousy and keeps them from being true Super Bowl contenders. When Eli Manning is carving up your team like he's Joe Montana (or at least his goofy cousin), then it's time to rethink your team's scheme.
2. Verdict: Aaron Rodgers is the best quarterback in the league
Oh, and this isn't meant to kick the Patriots when they're down, but the argument is over, and it's not close. Nobody is playing in Rodgers' league. Not Tom Brady, Drew Brees, nobody. Rodgers is playing Xbox 360, and the rest of the league's signal-callers are playing ColecoVision.
1. Verdict: The Madden cover curse is real
I've said this many times, but I feel a bit like Verbal Kint when I say, "I don't fear hexes, but I believe that the Madden curse is real." Taking a cue from "NFL Fantasy Live," but if you really want to put the Madden jinx to the test, put Rodgers on the cover. Actually, don't. Why tempt fate?