What we are talking about:
He's going to crush us, right?
Relax the back, dude
Dude! What are you doing?
Whenever I see "There's Something About Mary" on the pay channels, you can pretty much clear my schedule for the rest of the night because I am going to watch through the duration. (Even through the "Buttercup" video.) Thankfully the run on the pay channels recently ended before the football season started, or I might never get to your questions on Twitter.
So I was pretty geeked when they had a mini-reunion on "The Rich Eisen Show" which can be seen on NFL Now, daily. They talked about a lot of the same talking points you've heard before. For example Steve Young was supposed to do the movie, but turned it down because he didn't want all the LDS kids to sneak into the theater to see it. Which shows you Steve is one of the good guys in sports. But we've heard that story before. I mean, I like to read the IMDB trivia pages.
But what truly shocked me was Drew Bledsoe was supposed to be the football player who made the cameo. Yep, Drew (expletive) Bledsoe.
Which was both weird and a surprise at the same time. Not a huge upset, mind you. The Farrelly Brothers are from the New England area and are huge Patriots fans. A lot of their films like "Stuck on You" were set in New England, so you can see that it would make sense. And who am I to judge? If I made a movie which called for a sports star, I would probably call Mike Trout to come out and do it.
But at least he's a huge star and people know him. Damn, Bledsoe might have tanked the whole picture. The reason why Brett Favre worked in this scene is that he was a big-name star even your girlfriend at the time would have recognized. Most casual football fans might not have got the joke if Bledsoe had appeared on the screen. They would have just assumed it was some handsome tall guy who Mary dumped. No, it had to be Favre.
And really, I was only a small minority of people who knew Favre was married at the time, so it did always strike me as kind of strange back in 1998 that he would do such a thing. Although knowing Favre how we know him now (and honestly, we know a little too much about Favre, a little too much), the scene has become even more hilariously awkward. Somewhere up there with Lance Armstrong's cameo in "Dodgeball." (Oh Great Caesar's Ghosts, Millennials, you haven't seen "Dodgeball" yet? I fear for your generation. Cinematically. I'm sure you'll be fine otherwise. [Not really.])
All of this had me noodle scratchin' too. What were the best NFL cameos in movie history? And by cameo, I mean cameo. Not the star of the picture. No Carl Weathers in "Rocky" or O.J. Simpson in "The Naked Gun" or Terry Bradshaw in "Cannonball Run". I'm looking for a straight cameo. Here is what I came up with.
Although, you might have gotten me with my own logic with Ditka in "Kicking and Screaming" here. A quick check of IMDB shows he's third billed. I might have to reconsider. Oh, and none of "The Longest Yard" movies were considered here, either. Maybe Deacon Jones in "Heaven Can Wait" should be on the list, too. This will be something we can research during the offseason.
In any event, I did kind of have to check out early. Was there any talk about a reboot? Because we are getting near that time for it. If I was going to fantasy cast a reboot of this movie, I would think you have to go with Emma Stone as Mary. James Franco as the Matt Dillon character. Jake Johnson as the Ben Stiller character. Rob Cordrry would have to be in this too, somehow. All right, all right. Give me some time to think about this.
Of course, the ultimate question would be, who plays the NFL player who makes the cameo? Does it have to be a quarterback? I mean, it must be one of the most high-profile guys in the league. Maybe it would have to be Aaron Rodgers, which seems so unsatisfying, but there we are. Hit me up about it on Twitter. Let's really dig deep into this.
For the record, Bledsoe turned the movie role down. Turned it down. Hahaha. So he got pushed aside for Tom Brady and Favre. That's a pretty amazing feat. All right.
And without further ado ...
Peyton Manning has won seven consecutive games against Oakland with nearly 2,000 passing yards, 18 touchdowns and five picks. He's had at least two touchdown passes in 14 consecutive games. In a totally unrelated note, Manning has never faced Oakland in a big game.
At some point, I fear Rodgers is going to decide to break Norm Van Brocklin's single-game passing record and go for 600 yards. If he ever does it, he'll do it against the Bears.
Drew Brees has won six of his last seven starts against San Francisco with 16 touchdowns and just five picks. He has won 11 consecutive home games with 34 touchdowns and six picks.
I'm cool with Colin Kaepernick this week, too. If he wasn't hosed on that final play of the game, he would have tacked on eight points to his total. I know that doesn't make anybody who started him feel any better but still.
Matt Ryan has smoked Tampa Bay during his career. He had three touchdowns and a nearly perfect passer rating the last time he played them. My only concern is the o-line in this one.
A few weeks ago I said if you had Russell Wilson, you were good at quarterback. In fact, the tweet is still tacked to the top of my feed. I still believe that, even with (expletive) going sideways.
Make your jokes about Mark Sanchez while you can. Hot dog eating. Butt fumbles. I get it. He's been a punchline. But Chip Kelly wanted Sanchez for a reason when he brought him in. And he clearly out-played Nick Foles during the preseason. If that had been a pure competition, Sanchez would have won going away. He's going to Nick FolesNick Foles this season.
ImageSPOILER There's been a guy on "Homeland" who has been bugging the (expletive) out of me because I recognized him from something, but couldn't figure out who it was. Turns out, it's Danny Noonan from "Caddyshack" as the one CIA guy. That's not the spoiler, though. It's that the "Life of Pi" guy got shot in the head. That was crazy. And for the record, I would have ordered the strike, too. Sorry Saul.
ImageSPOILER For "Sons of Anarchy" this week. Well, it was only a matter of time before we lost somebody we loved dearly. So Godspeed, Bobby. We will miss you. I'm convinced now, more than ever, Gemma survives. Its' the only way. Damn, what an episode. And really, we're all just rooting for August Marks right now, right? He's the only one who has clear motivations. And while he acts without remorse, he's rational and makes sound calls. (As evidenced by the after show, I'm not alone in my love for August.)
Ronnie Hillman was exposed a few times in pass protection, but rallied because Peyton liked to dump off to him. You really need to keep a close eye on his distribution this week. We could see C.J. Anderson get into the mix more. Hillman is a must-start mind you. But Anderson could be a nice Danger Zone-type of scenario.
Remember when the St. Louis D was going to be good? Me neither. It has allowed the fourth-most rushing yards to backs. Not that I would even contemplate a move to put Andre Ellington on the bench, but still. Just had to throw it out there.
Alfred Morris has three touchdowns in his last two games. You know something goofy is going on when Freddy gets his touchdowns. But his yards have increased recently, too.
ImageI will admit it. I get my election coverage from "The Daily Show with John Stewart" and I'm not even ashamed of it. My kids won't believe me when I tell them there was a time when we didn't get our election results from "The Daily Show".
ImageIt might be too close to call, but if I had a man-crush power rankings going it would be 3. Mark Sanchez 2. Tom Brady and 1. Brandon Stroud. Please check out his latest Best and Worst (I have no idea if you folks follow the links, but we painstakingly add them every week). I can't tell you how much I want his theory on Cena to be true. I don't want to botch the explanation so please read it yourself and you won't be disappointed.
Randy Orton is clearly going to turn on Cena, though, right? Orton might be my favorite character on the show right now. Dude totally has a point. I hope he gets more cheers.
Kelvin Benjamin has been a little bit of a disappointment. But it's kind of hard for him to be effective when Cam has thrown the ball like 26-yards over his head. I like this matchup, though.
Mohamed Sanu has 22 catches for 394 yards and two touchdowns in his last four games. He's earned a starting spot for you each and every week.
You picked up Martavis Bryant on the wire this week, or worse, you sat on him last week. I'm certainly not going to try to talk you out of playing him this week. Have fun.
Anquan Boldin was a one-week fill-in guy. But dang, he looks like the best receiver on that team so I might roll with him for another week because he's kind of fun.
ImageOur homepage editor Patrick Crawley has been one of the many long-time proponents of Like/Dislike. This week, he weighed in on "Saturday Night Live". Take it away Patrick: "I really like 'Saturday Day Night Live's' Pete Davidson. He is my favorite part of the show each week. He has Andy Samberg/Adam Sandler-like charisma."
Larry Donnell is still one of Eli's favorite targets in the red zone. And that's all you want from your tight end. There are just a few guys who consistently move the sticks at TE.
ImageCongratulations to Joe Maddon for completely winning over the Chicago crowd with his opening press conference at the Cubby Bear. And the offer to purchase a shot-and-a-beer for all of those in attendance only will ingratiate him to the city. I'm sure I've said this before. But if this doesn't work, maybe it's time to just shut down the Chicago Cubs.
ImageIf you've noticed my Twitter avatar or caught me on TV you might have noticed I joined the Movember crusade. Well, I'm pleased to share Sterling Archer has joined as well. The ads for "Archer" have started already. Between that and "Justified" I'm just not going to be able to get away from the FX Network.
Even Akbar, the most ardent Peyton Fan Boy, has finally had to come correct this week about his hero. Some of the fan boys might have been able to write off the Super Bowl, but now the evidence of his disgrace in big games has become too overwhelming for even him.
Jay Cutler is going to need to show a little bit more for me to completely trust him as a fantasy quarterback this week. If you dropped him during the bye week, I wouldn't blame you if you refused to add him back to your roster. He's got something to prove.
You always hear about health and safety, but does that not pertain to back injuries, too? I'm not a doctor and I won't pretend to be one. But when I hear a guy had offseason back surgery and then suffered two fractures in his back, I'd keep him on the bench.
I love wrestling and contact sports, so I do get some pleasure from seeing these guys compete. But I'd take some time off if I'm Tony Romo. He's certainly a lot tougher than I can pretend to be.
Eli Manning will get brutalized by those who like to make fun of quarterbacks. Oh wait, that's me. But he certainly didn't receive a lot of help from his stone-handed receivers earlier on.
I almost want to fire-in on Kyle Orton, too. He's played better in recent weeks. And by better, I mean he's been able to get the ball in the hands of his talented receivers and allowed them to do all of the work. But hey, it does work out to be points.
The true indignity in all of this is that I'm going to put in a claim for Sanchez and then not get him. I feel like the only one in the world who had repeatedly defended him over the years and this season. (Well, Dan Hanzus and Chris Wessling, too.) But somebody is going to fire-in on Sanchez because of the matchup and I'll end up with Eli or some (expletive).
ImagePart of me wants to be upset with Maryland for the refusal of its captains to shake hands with the Penn State captains. But there is a bigger part of me that is a huge jerk and loves a little drama to go with his sports. I'm not for blatant poor sportsmanship, just once in a while I like to believe the players on the field care as much as I do in the stands (which isn't often, especially in the NFL).
ImageI don't want to be too insulting to Chris Franjola because I understand the pressures of doing live TV. But as somebody who would want a more satisfying conclusion and wrap show, the "Afterword" really needs a few tweaks to its format. This is why I love Chris Hardwick and he doesn't get enough credit for the job he does on the litany of after-shows he does across the Nerd Universe. This job certainly isn't easy, and Chris does it with aplomb. And the problem for Chris is that he probably makes it look way too easy and people now take him for granted.
ImageBTW, is it wrong that I cringed more during "Afterword" than I did during the show which included a dude with his head blown off and some grave robbing? And the human version of the human centipede?
ImageOh man, if there were only some other TV personalities out there who are huge fans of the show and totally available to be there on Tuesday night. If only I could think of who.
Although I'm super quick to write off Ben Tate, he still has some ability and more importantly, a great matchup. And to prove what a guy I am, I won't erase this passage (or the West stuff) if it blows up in my face.
I find it hard to believe Darren McFadden is just 27 years old. I could have sworn he was one of my top picks when I did my first draft in junior high. He struggled to run the ball last week, but was fine as a receiver. I guess his one claim could be he is better than Maurice Jones-Drew. Who I could have sworn I also took in that league years ago.
I remember when people thought Fisher was a shoe-in for the USC job. Lunacy. I wouldn't blame the folks in St. Louis if they felt the club was pulling a "Major League" on them. It's an apt reference. Go watch a movie. I'm not dumbing it down for the Millennials.
As a favor to all of you, I won't play SJax this week. I feel like I've said and written some things I won't be able to take back. So in an effort for all of you to reap the rewards, I will demure on this one. You're welcome.
ImageI saw a stat recently which said a large majority of the workforce is going to be Millennials, which is super. I'm growing a mustache for Movember and I told some kid it looked like the time when Chandler tried to grow a mustache like Richard in "Friends." Nothing.
ImageIt actually got much worse. A (expletive) Millennial was in the lunch line the other day talking about a Halloween party. He said it was 80s themed so he and his girlfriend went as (wait for it) Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love. And yes, I'm certainly the (expletive) who had to call him out on that. I know; I'm a super fun guy in the lunch line.
ImageMy man Brandon makes a great case as to why Dolph Ziggler is doing the dumbest thing possible as he joined Team Cena in his latest Best and Worst. Faces are typically the dumbest guys on the show, so I guess it's wrestling tradition to just kind of forget Cena (expletive) all over Ziggler. But it's actually like that in real life. I watch my neighbors create drama and flip-flop all the time on who likes who, and who is in this click. Or "Kliq" if you will. I swear, the people switch sides more often than Big Show and Mark Henry, so it's hard to keep track.
ImagePoor Zack Ryder. If I was a WWE wrestler who finally got a push and they said, "Yeah you're working with Cena," I would totally bail. Which makes me fear for Dean Ambrose right now.
I'd like to see the Cardinals make a move to get Glennon as a backup during the offseason. Too often we dismiss these quarterbacks who don't get the benefit of good coaching. See Sanchez, Mark.
Michael Crabtree is going on one of those epic runs the moment we give up on him, he plays the best football of his life. Don't act like you don't see that (expletive) coming.
I kind of wish the Houston Texans were playing this week so I could once again tell you how much I don't believe in Andre Johnson. All right, I might just be killing space here. I do hope Ryan Mallett can help increase his value. The only question I would have for him is if he can get the ball near the end zone.
So if Kenny Stills had the great game last week, does that mean it's now Brandin Cooks turn? Or is this the week Marques Colston plays receiver vulture in New Orleans? Actually, I consider all Saints WRs vultures of Graham. It's not cool, I tell you. These Saints receivers have long driven me crazy.
ImageOur home page editor and long-time Like/Dislike champion Patrick Crawley has been asked to contribute. Take it away Patrick: "I dislike the dog-toy industry. Toys for children last a lifetime. Toys for dogs last six days. You need to step up your game."
ImageI don't have children, but I know a lot of them complain about how they spend tons of money on toys and the kids would rather play with the box. Similarly, I used to spend money on toys for my German Sheppard Pappagorgio, and she would rather tear up a pair of shoes. So I'm right there with you, Patrick.
Sorry Zach Ertz, I can never trust you as a tight end. Not ever again. I'm so freaking sick of getting either seven or zero points from the tight end position. Even Graham has some games that aren't all that much.
ImageJust to know you're not alone. I drafted Adrian Peterson fourth overall in my League of Record. I had to release him like two weeks ago. And yeah, my nemesis Brent claimed him on Tuesday morning. Which if you ask me, kind of a (Richard) move. I know some people feel fantasy football is ruthless. But that's probably why those people eat Thanksgiving dinner alone, too. (Sorry if that sounded harsh, I'm still upset about the "Afterword" on FX.
For the record, you can submit your fantasy questions to NFL Fantasy Live. But realize, NFL Fantasy Live has 300K followers. Me? Just four. See, the odds are better I will answer your question, so hit me up both via Twitter or via Facebook. And if you follow him on Sundays, he'll quote "The Wolf" from "Pulp Fiction" and then it's game on! Although, it's tough to catch me on Facebook. Twitter is your go-to." Plus seriously people, I'm not taking your tweets after Midnight. I'm into the #HashtagWars via @Midnight.