What we are talking about:
Talk about "FLEX" appeal
Can we trust him against the Bills?
Wrestlemania wish list
It's never too early ...
Bobby the Brain Heenan truly was one of the greatest ever at his profession. I've always skewed towards the heels, I don't know what that says about me (actually, I do, I'm a jerk). Nobody did it better than Bobby the Brain. Just a quick wit and everything he ever touched turned to gold. He was the king of taking dumb segments and making them gold. I would imagine the stuff he was pitched started off awful, but Heenan made it sing.
This might surprise you, but I wasn't popular as a young man. And I spent a great amount of time watching professional wrestling. Some might say nothing has really changed in my life. But I loved listening to The Brain. He talked the way you wanted to talk to people. Shouted down those loudmouths who really needed to be shut down.
Because that's the thing. The Brain was pretty much always right. One of the most annoying things of wrestling is that the good guys often act like the biggest jerks. Look at Hulk Hogan during his glory run. He was always a rule breaker. The majority of his offense was a closed fist. Which is ILLEGAL. It's like if you were a Hall of Fame receiver and most of your offensive moves consisted of pushing off the opposing defender. Oh wait, that was Michael Irvin.
The Brain always called out the "good guys" on their B.S. He referred to us as humanoids because we cheered Hogan when he raked an opponent's eyes, but got mad when Ric Flair did it. (Well, you not me.) He was right. And he was never more right than Bash at the Beach in 1996. If you ever listen to heel announcers, like JBL, they always back the heels. No matter what. But the Brain was having none of it when Hulk Hogan became Hollywood Hogan at the Bash.
And I know a lot of you guys are going to be all, "but he spoiled it screaming, 'but whose side is he on?'" He didn't. Mostly because he doubled-down on it. And that was just the kind of (expletive) the Brain did. (Besides, I still expected HBK to come down as the third man to join them. This was before the dirt sheets and my parent's cable barely worked so it's not like I was able to read spoilers like you can now. You kids are spoiled.)
The best part of the night was when Heenan was able to take his victory lap as the crowd pelted Hogan, Scott Hall and Kevin Nash with debris. "What have I been saying all of these years?"
You were speaking the truth, Brain. That's what you were doing.
Thank you all for the indulgence to write about this stuff in a fantasy football column. But honestly, I'm not sure this is what I would have done with my life had I not watched Heenan as a kid.
And without further ado ...
And by top QB, that means I'm starting him over everyone. Yep, even that guy. Don't @ me.
Carson Wentz has become more aggressive recently. And he's good at it, too. Wentz led all passers as he averaged 24.4 air yards per completion. Keep slinging it!
Image I really like Roman Reigns promo against John Cena this week. It was like one of those things where you bring back somebody's words from their past to haunt them. Man, I always love that. Here Reigns brings up Cena's words to the Rock back from their WrestleMania run a few years ago. I liked it. I guess Cena really is going because he's jobbing his way out the door.
Dalvin Cook gets stronger as the game goes on. And don't fool yourself into thinking he struggled last week. Cook should have been awarded that touchdown. I'm still sick over it.
Ty Montgomery's development into an all-around back, including his work in pass protection, has been one of the most impressive things this season. He leads NFL RBs in snaps (124).
Chris Carson out-snapped all of his teammates in Week 2 when he rushed for 93 yards. More impressive, he saw a loaded box 70 percent of the time. I'm starting him this week.
Image Hey man, I love the show "Ballers" and I don't care who knows. I love The Rock, but Rob Corddry makes that show. (And am I wrong to love loving his suit in those Pepsi Commercials? But I'm a big fan, and I have to believe Jim Bob Cooter has to be a fan since he was a plot-point in a recent episode. Nothing says "you've made it" more than being in a Rock dramedy.
Image Congratulations to Big Brother winner Josh. He out-smarted Paul at the end. I know a lot of you in my mentions believe Paul deserved to win. Deserve has nothing to do with it. The Falcons deserved to win the Super Bowl last year, but you have to finish. Paul's jury management was terrible (which led to a salty jury). If he had been upfront with them prior to eviction and did a better job of explaining his gameplay, he would have won. He thought he was going to Derrick his way through and he would be beloved. He's clearly no Derrick. He's not even Mike Boogey.
Image And good news, there is a celebrity edition of Big Brother starting soon. I suppose my invitation will be coming soon because I would be perfect.
Deshaun Watson had some nice moves last Thursday. But damn, rookie quarterbacks at New England are 0-8 with five touchdowns, 16 picks and a 50.7 passer rating. Which isn't good.
But Rank, you said Nuk Hopkins was good! I did. Watson could struggle but still give Nuke 6-68-1 and I'd be cool with that.
Dak Prescott and Dez Bryant seem like one of those Craigslist Missed Connections listings because the dudes haven't been on the same page all year. (And for the record, I had Matt Harmon explain "Missed Connections" to me.) Prescott has thrown two picks when he targets Bryant with a 29.1 passer rating.
I'm not sure if King is going to shadow A.J. Green. But the receiver's breakout game could be postponed for a week. (Not like I'm benching him or anything.)
BTW, do you think Bill O'Brien was sitting on the Texans sideline last week just wishing he could bench Dalton? Like damn, that must have bummed him so much. Like he was probably yelling at Marvin Lewis all, "Hey Marvin, what are you doing? Bench him. I would!"
Image My favorite story this week was A.J. McCarron who told the fans to totally get off Dalton's back and support the team. In other words, McCarron was all, "dude, I don't want to play behind that (expletive) line. Shut up, fans." And I get that. To me, being a backup QB is the greatest job ever. You never get hit in practice. You're a quarterback. And everyone thinks you're great. I'd love to be a backup to a dude who never comes out of the game. I'd be on the sidelines tweeting and having a good time. Like Jaime Foxx in "Any Given Sunday" and whatnot.
All right, you know the deal by now. I poop on Melvin Gordon, he comes out and dominates your fantasy league. What a strange game for him last week. But he just continues to put up fantasy points. I continue to die on this hill. But if you know anything about me, this shouldn't be a surprise.
Rex Burkhead had a great game when I put him in the dislikes, so he stays in this ledger this week, too.
My latest pupil needs to be Jordan Howard. All of you can take your victory lap about Howard now. But he's hurt. Kyle Long hasn't returned. And Mitchell Goatbisky hasn't started yet either. So laugh it up, jokesters. But when you drop him on the waiver and I'm riding him to a fantasy championship, you'll be the one chagrined.
ImageI would normally be pretty excited for Nakamura going for the title. But I really hate the angle they have going. I mean, as Brandon Stroud pointed out, the WWE has set up a pretty clever motivation for Jinder going into the match. But he also points out, the WWE doesn't quite have a history with pulling off clever angles. I'm willing to give everybody the benefit of the doubt as long as this happens: Jinder holds on to the belt until the Royal Rumble. Nakamura (currently my daughter's favorite wrestler) then beats Jinder for the title at the RR. A.J. Styles wins the Rumble. Then Nakamura and Styles wrestle a New Japan-style match at 'Mania and steal the dog damn show. Also, I might go this year, seeing that it's in New Orleans.
Image Can Arizona State just hire Chip Kelly already? I know there's some thought he could end up with UCLA if Jim Mora doesn't make it. But I feel like Mora is there for the long haul. But the Devils, with Chip Kelly, would be pretty damn exciting. Make it so!
Image BTW, huge win for USC. I was so stoked for it. Mostly because we get free Dunkin Donuts coffee in Southern California when the Trojans win. That's right, coffee has made me a full-blown USC fan. Fight on! (All right, Dunkin coffee is pretty great but I'm going to walk back that fight on because it's unsettling.)
Jimmy Graham is battling an ankle injury. I have a feeling people will drop him in a few weeks and then he's going to go off.