Let's pick up where we left off earlier this week. You may recall we started with 5 UP for this week. Now for the lowlights:
5 DOWN
More Bakay: 5 up!
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For starters, a swing and a miss on my underdog special with the Baltimore Ravens. More on that later in the week, but could I have jinxed my Ravens- SaintsSuper Bowl pick any more if I had sold their playbooks to the opposition? Injuries and bad offensive interference calls and anemic offenses aside, that Colt defense shook me to my core, and I will be fascinated to see if Indy can replicate its magic against a top AFC offense. Full story ...
1. SI.COM: You may or may not have noticed that this week I "borrowed" the 5 UP/5 DOWN concept from SI.com - not because it's particularly interesting, but to make a point. You could probably make a case that the whole "Dr. Z and a model pick games" thing is their attempt to replicate the segment I did with my wife Robin on SportsCenter - but I can't claim to have created the HOT GIRL/UGLY GUY thing.
No, HOT GIRL/UGLY GUY is a time-honored and proven formula that has always worked and still works today - witness the unstoppable rise of Greenberg and Golic. (More on them later…)
So… fine. Advantage: Push.
But it does speak to a remarkable lack of originality, which leads me to my real beef with SI.com: Not only have they ripped off ESPN's Page 2 with something they call -- wait for it -- Extra Mustard (insert dry heave here), but they have some clown named Cory McCartney actually signing his name to a complete rip-off of The Tale Of The Tape - a department I have written and performed on SportsCenter and countless other outlets, including ESPN the Magazine, NFL.com, NFL Network, and Comedy Central, for the last 15 years.
I even published a book -- if you don't believe me, log on to Amazon.com and search for "Nick Bakay's Tale of the Tape."
Only in the world of sports do you see this kind of lazy, unconscionable hackery. Hey, why think of something original when we can just copy someone else's stuff?!
They even play it fast and loose with my department over at ESPN. Oh, I call every once in a while and complain - and they stop for a few months. Then they roll another one out, usually anonymously authored. I guess they just can't help themselves. The thinking must go something like this: "We really want to compare two things, but we don't have enough talent to come up with our own idea, so… let's just lift it!"
Here's a novel idea, dope: Take five minutes and try to imagine a world in which you create your own material.
I know it's tough squeezing in that kind of "thinkin'" time in between your shifts at The Olive Garden, but give it a shot.
Hey, I got it! How about Cory McCartney's Top Ten List!
Ohhh, sorry, that one's taken, too...
Then again, since when did that stop you?
2. PUTTING YOURSELF IN HARM'S WAY: Did you see Tatum Bell taunting the black hole in Oakland after scoring the game-winner Sunday? Dude actually walked right up to the wall waving the ball. He was greeted by one of the better moments I have enjoyed in Hi Def TV: Beer showers, cups, bottles, four-letter words and other things I will simply categorize as "matter." Bell came about one foot away from getting yanked in like the girl in the beginning of "Jaws" and having chunks of himself thrown onto the field.
Week 2 matchups to watch
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There are many intriguing games this weekend. The most-anticipated matchup is Sunday night's tilt between the Chargers and the Patriots in a rematch between two of the best teams in the league. As we get ready for all of the action, Gil Brandt takes a look at eight matchups worth watching in Week 2. Full story ...
3. CEDRIC BENSON AND THOMAS JONES: I didn't understand how the Bears could dump Jones in the offseason; I'm even more baffled after the Chargers game. No doubt they were facing a great defense, but it only put a high beam on why this offense took a step backwards. Benson never showed the grit and explosiveness Jones did, so you assume the Bears braintrust sees things we can't. Well not yet. Especially after that fourth-and-1 thud in the fourth quarter. More than ever, games are going to depend on Rex Grossman. I am not down on Rex like the rest of the world, but still… do I want the tough games to come down to his still-young decision-making? Nope.
The Bears defense will be good enough to give them a great shot at returning to the NFC Championship Game, but they better get it together on the ground, because even within the division, Minnesota and Green Bay have stoked their D's and will be flying at Rex like he's got money tucked in his G-string.
On the plus side, Chicago's running game already locked up the Pro Bowl for Jamal Williams…
Meanwhile, Thomas Jones had to pack up and move. Granted, he went to a wonderful city and a playoff team - I think he was a fantastic pickup for the Jets - but especially coming off that TAINTED loss to the Pats, don't you feel like he got dissed? He ran for the Bears like he loved playing for them. I hate to see a committed stud get tossed.
One more note on the Chargers game - looks like Shawne Merriman is picking up where Junior Seau left off in the histrionics department. The celebrations are the kind of stuff that only a hometown fan can enjoy. Trust me - it makes everyone else a little nauseous.
Underdog Saves the Day:
We are one bogus Todd Heap interference call away from 1-0!!! But that's why they call them dogs, and that's why this is hard! Here we go, salvo No. 2:
VIKINGS OVER LIONS
Yeah, that's right, I said it… and immediately suffered some projectile brow sweat.
(Year to date: 0-1)
4. BE CAREFUL WHERE YOU SPIT: Will Keith Olbermann's "Worst Person in the NFL" ever address the profound lack of chemistry that still haunts the NBC studio show?
Meanwhile, over at CBS they have so many people jammed into that desk, the opening wide camera shot makes me feel like I'm walking into a parole board hearing.
5. TO PARAPHRASE JIMI HENDRIX, 'SCUSE ME WHILE I KISS MY MUTE BUTTON: While we're talking TV, I will confess that I remain hurt and confused wondering what we have done wrong to deserve Mike and Mike in the booth for a prime-time football game. You know the shtick: "Hey, Greeny -- I just ate my own fart!" "Oh yeah, well guess what? I use gel in my hair!!!" Not that the act is stopping them from complete world domination - I hear ESPN even has them doing this year's Lumberjack Games -- but didn't we all get over this act when we were reading "Goofus and Gallant" in the Weekly Reader?
