Welcome to the Around The League End Around, a weekly look back at the world of the NFL. Dan Hanzus serves as your guide.
It was a good week for ...
1. Rob Gronkowski: Gronk is back. The Patriots star announced his return with a video that forces us to recalibrate the Unintentional Comedy Scale. Look at Gronk emote! Soak in the make-believe locker room! Wonder why the off-brand energy drink company couldn't find a No. 87 jersey!
2. Cam Newton: The Panthers quarterback delivered a stellar performance on the road Sunday, pumping some life into the Charlotte area. Cam also debuted a new fashion collection. Pastel power.
3. Josh Freeman: It seems like just yesterday that Freeman was trapped in a prison ruled with an iron fist by Warden Schiano. Now he's 1,500 miles away, preparing to start for the Vikings. Freeee-dommmmmmm!
It was a bad week for ...
1. Jim Irsay:Peyton Manning's return was supposed to be a celebration in Indianapolis. A coupleinterviewslater, and we're dealing with a steaming bowl of awkward. Get Rob Lowe on the phone.
2. Larry Fitzgerald: We were happy for Fitz when Carson Palmer came to town. After all, Fitzgerald is one of the NFL's Good Guys, and Palmer was believed to be a dramatic improvement over the John Skelton/Ryan Lindley/Kevin Kolb combo plate of doom. Instead, Palmer looks like late-period Joe Namath. Save Larry!
3. T.J. Yates: The Yates Era lasted all of three possessions in Houston. Tough break, kid. Texans coach Gary Kubiakhas decided to replace the injured/emotionally damaged Matt Schaub with this guy.
(Actually, that's the singer from Train, but could you really pick Case Keenum out of a lineup? Be honest.)
Breer: Inside the NFL Notebook
Will Greg Schiano's woes deter NFL teams from giving it the old college try? Albert Breer studies that question and much more. **READ**
What the What?
It's been a difficult week for Adrian Peterson, who continues to cope with the sudden death of his young son. For one local columnist in Minnesota, this was the perfect time to float the idea of dealing the reigning league MVP for a bundle of draft picks.
Spoiler: It ain't happenin'.
Brady left hanging
I don't know why, but this makes me like Brady more. We all know the feeling. It's good to know this kind of stuff also can happen to the guy who lives in this house with this woman.
Tweet of the week
Why do we think Richie Incognito spent the totality of his elementary school existence stealing stuff from classmates and punching the quiet kids in the stomach? You do have to respect how ahead of the curve he was with breast cancer awareness, though.
Quote of the Week, Part I
"I did not tell our players not to have sex."
Quote of the Week, Part II
"When that happens to Frank, you're not going to sneak up on Frank again and hit him over the head with a bag of dung a second time."
This is a Jim Harbaugh sentence best enjoyed without context. But if you really need it ...
Hero(es) of the Week: Nick Foles and Michael Vick
Nick Foles might be four quarters away from stealing Michael Vick's job, but the two Eagles quarterbacks haven't let that affect their relationship. They shared a press-conference podium Thursday in what we like to think was a showing of camaraderie.
They're a visually appealing team, no doubt, which got us thinking about some projects outside the lines:
»*"White Men Can't Jump" remake:* Hollywood loves to recycle, and a re-imagining of the Snipes/Harrelson classic is overdue. Get the lady who sings the "Thursday Night Football" theme to play Rosie Perez's character and we are rolling.
»*Generic Zombie Thriller:* Vick and Foles hunt walkers in the streets of a post-apocalyptic Philadelphia. If that's too close to a certain cable juggernaut, take the premise to space. Ratings gold.
»*Untitled Coming-Of-Age Indie:* Two long-lost friends reconvene at a 10-year high school reunion, where they ruminate about life and what it means to dream. Zooey Deschanel plays the Manic Pixie Dream Girl. Zach Braff directs.
Villain(s) of the Week: Injury-loving Texans fans
C'mon guys. First, there was the Schaub jersey burning, a dumb -- but ultimately harmless -- gesture. But cheering boisterouslyafter the man's lower leg bent in a direction God forbids? Brutal fan code violation.
Read Option(al)
"The Power of Peyton's Choice" -- Andrew Brandt, MMQB
This stuff is always fun. How would the NFL landscape have changed if Manning didn't choose the Broncos. It's basically Dameshek's "N'if'L" sans animation.
"Could Modern Medicine Have Saved Bo Jackson's Career?" -- Jesse Fredeen, Deadspin
A look at how the career of everybody's favorite "Tecmo Bowl" star could have played out differently had his hip injury occurred in 2013, not 1991.
Until next time ...
The "Around The League Podcast" is now available on iTunes! Click here to listen and subscribe.
