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That Helps No One Week 5: Huff, puff, blow it all down

On any given NFL weekend, many different players score touchdowns. Most of them are your standard fantasy football superstars, owned in every league. But others come out of nowhere to vulture touchdowns or beat a third-string cornerback repeatedly for a career-day. In fantasy, these are our That Helps No One champions. The players whose success leads to the imminent demise of countless fantasy teams. All season long, we'll be tracking and crowning a That Helps No One winner each week on NFL Fantasy LIVE. Below are the top candidates for Week 5.

I'm not going to lie, I sometimes conflate Benjamin Watson and Ben Coates in my mind. For those of you who don't know, Coates was a great tight end for the Patriots in the 90s, helping them reach Super Bowl XXXI, where they lost to Brett Favre and the Packers. I probably do this because Coates left the NFL after the 2000 season, and Watson entered the league in 2004 ... with the Patriots. You might be asking yourself right now why I'm prattling on about not one, but two old tight ends, and the answer is because I wanted to use this anecdote to point out just how fantasy irrelevant Watson is. Good player, solid career. But leave the touchdowns for the likes of Mark Ingram or Willie Snead, OK? Thanks.

All of the preseason hype for Jordan Matthews and Nelson Agholor is coming crashing to the ground in a fiery heap, while Josh Huff is out there flipping into the end zone and benefiting absolutely ZERO fantasy teams. At least Huff gets bonus points for style in getting into the end zone. But even those don't make up for the fantasy pain he caused us.

With Matthew Stafford getting benched after three interceptions, that paved the way for Dan Orlovsky to enter the lineup. An Orlovsky-Lance Moore touchdown in Week 5 is about as That Helps No One-y as it gets, folks.

This one would have been worse had Justin Forsett not found his way into the end zone, but come on Ravens. Enough with these fullback touchdowns and Joe Flacco naked bootlegs already. You're wide receivers might be dropping like flies due to injury, but Forsett is ready and willing to fight his way into the end zone. Let him.

Derek Carrier, TE, Washington

If you listened to us in our numerous articles on this past week, you would have known that Carrier was a decent streaming tight end option or a punt play in DFS. However, for the most part his touchdown on Sunday was more frustrating than rewarding for fantasy fans, as they were hoping it'd go to Pierre Garcon or one of the 28 running backs the team seems to employ out of the backfield.

Is the Black Mamba a wide receiver? Or a running back? Either way, the swing pass he caught for a touchdown just as easily could have gone to Jamaal Charles prior to his injury (get well soon, Jamaal). Or even Jeremy Maclin, who was a touchdown shy of a stellar fantasy day. But no, it went to Thomas. Come on, Alex Smith. Be better than the GAP.

Latavius Murray has now had not one, not two, but THREE touchdowns vultured from him by Marcel Reece. Granted, all three have been on receptions, but Murray's owners would have loved any of those scores to go his way.

So who do you think should take home the Week 5 #ThatHelpsNoOne crown? Weigh in on Twitter with #ThatHelpsNoOne and be sure to tune in to NFL Fantasy LIVE  today at 5 p.m. ET on NFL Network) to see who is crowned the Week 5 winner!

-- Follow Alex on Twitter @AlexGelhar.

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