It was a good week for ...
1. Dan Campbell: The Teal Hulk won our hottest coach bods competition (congrats again, Dan) and his first NFL game in the space of three days. Not bad for a guy who looks like a mid-tier henchman in a Seagal movie.
2. Philip Rivers: While everyone fawns over Rodgers and Brady and Brees (oh my), Rivers is quietly carving up defenses for 500 yards in his 12th season. Rivers could be in the top five in every relevant passing category by the time he's done.
It was a bad week for ...
Sunday night in Indianapolis
I serious had to do a double-take to make sure the police officer didn't have his gun drawn on Brady.
Of course, there was also this
This play -- WTFake, Snapfu, Swinging Gate-gate, take your pick -- wiped all that away. No actual victory, no moral victory, just the Colts again playing the Washington Generals to Belichick's Globetrotters. The Colts' season effectively ended with that play call. How can anyone take them seriously?
And the banner tweets. The banner tweets will never not be funny.
This is not the Patriot Way
The worst part about this is the ironic tanktop-wearing Millennials running the Pats' social media feed pulled down the tweet once it started getting traction. What did they expect? You are the most humorless franchise in American sport and we're not supposed to notice you hanging skyscraper shade on your little brother in Florham Park?
Listen, if you're going to be evil, just embrace it. Go full hog unlikable. This half-measure stuff benefits no one.
Way to go, A-Rod
That's an E-5, but it doesn't help that Jay Glazer has the catch radius of a 14-month-old boy.
The NFL's ongoing catch problem, in three tweets
The current NFL vice president of officiating ...
The former NFL vice president of officiating ...
Is that a lot? That's probably a lot
Move over Brady, you've got company!
That last sentence, though. "Plus, as president he'd be able to say he knows me and he likes me ... LOL!" That is the essence of Terrell Owens distilled. T.O. should be in the Hall of Fame, by the way.
Well, what do you expect when you're playing on a low-grade sandlot?
Instagram of the week
Tweet of the week
This explains so much. When Marvel runs out of ideas (that has to be soon, right?), I'm pitching Beckham as a new addition to the X-Men franchise.
There is no escape from the force
I'm not a Star Wars guy, which makes the renewed cultural dominance over the latest round of sequels particularly exhausting. I can't even watch Monday Night Football without being bombarded by the Force. I hope the movies are great and Harrison Ford can buy a plane that works, but can't we take the wild fervor to a subreddit or something?
Quote of the Week, Part I
"I don't like turkey because I don't like what happened to the Indians."
Quote of the Week, Part II
"I think it was done with the idea of trying to hurt our quarterback. That's bulls--t football."
Hero of the Week: Daniel Fells
First he was in danger of losing his foot. Then his leg. Then his life. The Giants tight end went through a terrifying ordeal after contracting MRSA, but he fought off the infection and made it home to see his children this week. If this doesn't drop a feels hammer on you, you are a cybernetic organism, living tissue over metal endoskeleton.
Until next time ...