Philly cops have secret plan to stop pole climbers


Crisco didn't cut it, so the cops in Philly are shifting to Plan B.

Should the Eagles upset the Patriots in Super Bowl LII, the city believes it's unearthed a better solution to keep rowdy fanatics from climbing light poles.

City workers dubbing themselves "Crisco Cops" greased metropolitan lamp posts with shortening before the NFC title game, but it failed to slow (hammered) Eagles fans from having their way:

Philadelphia police commissioner Richard Ross believes they've come up with a better plan this time around, but he's keeping it a secret, according to The Associated Press.

"It will be safe ... but it will be effective," Ross announced Tuesday, noting that it "will be far more difficult" for would-be climbers to meddle with city property.

Ross emphasized concern for safety, for both the climbers "as well as the people who they could fall down on."

It's unclear what sort of technology the police are working with here. Crisco's pretty slick, but editor Austin Knoblauch also suggested Teflon.

A quick Google search -- "Most Slippery Substance Ever" -- pulled up an entry for PTFE, a.k.a. polytetrafluoroethene, "a saturated fluorocarbon polymer, which was discovered serendipitously by Roy Plunkett, a 27-year-old research chemist working at the Du Pont Research Laboratories in Deepwater, New Jersey in 1938."

This sounds overly complex. In the end, your best bet to prevent any shenanigans boils down to two words: Tom Brady.