Tom Brady is a cockroach.
That according to Zoo Atlanta, which on Tuesday introduced a tiny insect bearing the same name as the Patriots' Super Bowl-winning quarterback. The backstory via The Boston Globe: Zoo Atlanta and Roger Williams Park Zoo in Rhode Island made a bet before Super Bowl LI that the zoo whose local team lost the title game would name an animal at their facility after the winning quarterback.
Working under the assumption that the losing zoo would be salty, both sides agreed on the Madagascar hissing cockroach as the focal point of this wager.
When the score was 28-3, one could imagine a Rhode Island zoo official glumly sifting through the cockroach farm in search of a Matt Ryan type. That project would eventually be suspended longer than real-life Tom Brady's ban.
Tom Brady is a cockroach. We can write this because it is unequivocally true.