Are you having a good week? You are? That's great. Let's hope this carries right through the weekend. After all, you deserve it.
The following NFL people did not have a good week. This is hardly schadenfreude; instead consider it a simple acknowledgement of the obvious with the promise that things will soon get better. Probably.
Rob Gronkowski
Gronk is pretty much the only likable Patriot for me, so New England's death star status is at its most powerful now that back surgery has taken him out of the mix. It's pretty terrible that both Gronk and J.J. Watt -- all-time players who are supposed to be at the height of their powers -- have been struck down by the same injury in the same year. One also wonders what will become of the Summer Of Gronk in the offseason. Guys with three back surgeries on their résumé should probably stay clear of rollicking booze cruises. A nation of bros hold their breath ...
Mike Zimmer
The only thing worse than having to sit at home and watch your team potentially blow the season in prime time is doing it with just one functional eyeball. "Detached Retina" is making a hard charge up the Gross NFL Injury Power Rankings, by the way. Still not cracking the top five, though:
5) Dislocated elbow
4) Collapsed/punctured lung
3) Ruptured Achilles
2) Muscle torn from bone
1) Compound fracture
Zimmer's status as a non-player might be the only thing stopping me from sending the hideously contorted elbow packing.
Speaking of the Vikings ...
This Guy
This guy seems cool. I wish his team made him happier.
Darrelle Revis
Revis got burned for two more touchdowns this past Sunday against the Patriots, including the game-winner late in the fourth quarter. Even Tiger Woods is looking at Revis' decline and thinking, "Jeez, man -- that was fast." Revis, meanwhile, hasn't been the least bit shy about sticking his woeful campaign on the tab of Father Time. By the end of the season, he'll be stopping strangers on the street to tell them he's old.
Jeff Fisher
Fisher likely would be the first to tell you this week has been some Grade A, high-octane 7-9 bull----. His Rams nearly surrendered a 50-burger to the Saints, his expiring contract has become a societal talking point, Eric Dickerson thinks he's a jerk, and he was ripped in every snarky football blog in existence for (maybe) thinkingDanny Woodhead is still on the Patriots. At least his mustache didn't fall off.
The Cleveland Browns
You know you're in a tough way when the Wall Street Journal is writing columns about whether a college team can beat you. The good news: Everyone thinks you'd probably win!
Ryan Allen
What do you think the Patriots punter was thinking when he found out Bill Belichick turned his Wednesday press conference into a love letter for Rams punter Johnny Hekker?
"I mean, Hekker is a tremendous weapon," Belichick said. "This guy looks like as good a player as I've ever seen at that position."
Sounds to me like somebody has a wandering eye. Tsk, tsk.
Josh Norman
Norman is a nice cornerback, but doesn't it feel like he's punching a bit above his weight class in these beefs with superstar wide receivers?
Josh. My man. There's no need to start holy wars every week. And it's certainly unnecessary to make up dialogue between you and your foes. You don't need to exaggerate the circumstances of your life. We like you just as you are.
Follow Dan Hanzus on Twitter @danhanzus and check out his stuff on the End Around.
