Madden predictions: Statement game for Ryan Tannehill

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Adrian Peterson said this week that he has thought about ending his career as a member of the Dallas Cowboys. As if being a Minnesota Viking hasn't been disappointing enough. As you can imagine, people were upset upon hearing the news. Because our professional athletes aren't supposed to be honest. Like ever.

If Peterson would have dodged the question, folks would have accused him being too bland. Answer it honestly, and you've disrespected an entire legion of jean-jacket wearing, Judas Priest-loving Vikings fans. You just can't win.

Well, you just can't win as a member of the Vikings or the Cowboys, but that's another matter altogether.

However, when I heard the news, I decided to play a little Madden with Peterson as a member of the Cowboys. And I think it goes without saying that I was tearing it up with a team featuring Dez Bryant and Peterson. Seriously, Jerry Jones should try to pull this off. Trade your first-round draft picks for the next three years. It's not like you're going to draft anybody decent anyway.

Moving Up

Eric Decker improved to a 90 OVR and his CTH went up an impressive five points to 93. You can understand why if you saw him play against the Chiefs. (BTW, I had advised fantasy enthusiasts to leave Decker on the bench. Rainn Wilson listened to me.) Decker's performance reminded me of when I played my NCAA dynasty and ended up winning the Heisman Trophy with Ryan Wolfe of UNLV. He had roughly 21 receptions for 436 yards in an overtime win over UCLA, and started the season as the Heisman front-runner. I think he ended the season with like 2,500 receiving yards. Sunday was a video game-like day for Decker, and he was justly rewarded.

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Josh Gordon also moved up to a 91 OVR after his second consecutive 200-yard receiving day. He's also another guy who has put up Madden-like numbers in real life. He has been nearly unstoppable. He is one of the league's leading receivers and he missed the first two games of the season because of a suspension.

Alshon Jeffery is up three points to an 87 OVR, and if you've watched the Bears games this season, he's really started to come into his own. Matt Forte was on NFL Fantasy Live on Friday and he raved about Jeffery's blocking abilities. Hey, let's see that reflected in the ratings.

Julian Edelman is up two points to an 83 OVR. I don't like that Tom Brady was calling him Mini-tron. It's not as good as Edeltron. And why the (expletive) do you have to have a derivative of the "Megatron" nickname? Oh well, at least his nickname isn't just his intials JE, or something even less exciting.

Andre Holmes improved five points to a 71 OVR. Seriously, Andre Holmes. Well, we'll probably be seeing you go the other way next week.

Moving Down

Andy Dalton is down a point to an 83 OVR. The Bengals are going to have some tough questions to ask about Dalton in the coming draft. Is he going to be the guy who can lead the Bengals to the Super Bowl? The Bengals might be the most complete team in the NFL right now, but it's going to come down to Red Dalton.

Matt Ryan is down a point to an 87 OVR. A tough break for Ryan, whose offensive line has failed him, and none of his big-time receivers have stayed healthy. But, Brady has done pretty well with a near anonymous cast of receivers for most of the season, so the drop for Ryan seems justified.

It's been a tough couple of weeks for the depleted Jets' secondary. Dee Milliner is down two points to a 77 OVR.

Great Caesar's Ghost

Adam Vinatieri is up two points to an 84 OVR. His big boost came in awareness, which moved up to 92. Uh, wait what? Adam V. is just at a 92 awareness? How in the bloody heck can he not be a 99 awareness? This has to be some sort of joke, right?

Great Caesar's Ghost II

Trent Richardson is down only one point to an 81 OVR. This rating is way too generous. It has been our mission here to make sure Richardson is a 50 OVR by the time the season is over. He's not very good when you compare him to other NFL players. Just realize a mistake has been made and let's fix this thing.

Great Caesar's Ghost III

Ryan Fitzpatrick is down a point to a 77 OVR? I don't know how they figure this stuff out. He's killed it for one of my fantasy teams recently.

Six Predictions for Sunday

6. The Dolphins are lounging just outside of the playoffs, and they need a signature win from Ryan Tannehill. They'll get it this week. Tannehill will take advantage of the Steelers' secondary (Troy Polamalu saw his OVR drop two points to 91 this week) and have a huge game against the Steelers. Lamar Miller will also get into the mix here, too.

5. The Kansas City Chiefs will end a three-game skid with a win over the Washington Redskins. Alex Smith had a one-point increase to an 88 OVR this week, as he's played some of his best football during the team's slide. Which seems kind of backwards, no? Oh yeah, one of our favorites, Alfred Morris, will have another nice game for the Redskins in a losing cause.

4. The New Orleans Saints bounce back with a win over the Carolina Panthers. It won't be easy for them. Actually, it will. Drew Brees will have one of his best games of the season. Brees will throw for more than 300 yards and everybody will be all, "Whoa, we didn't see this coming." And then you can be all, dude, Adam Rank totally called that in his Madden prediction's piece. And your friend will be all, forward me the link, I can never find it on NFL.com. And you'll do it, and I will thank you.

3. The San Francisco 49ers will end the Seahawks' winning streak. Look, just when you think you have the NFL figured out, the script is flipped. So right now, when everybody wants to give the Seahawks the NFC crown, they will lose this game. Colin Kaepernick will have such a good game, he'll be up for a ratings increase next week.

2. Make your own Peyton Manning playing in the freezing cold joke right here.

1. Nick Foles throws his first interception of the season. I still like him as a fantasy quarterback. Actually, I'm starting to like him a little less. And in this weather? This will be a tough one for him statistically, but the Eagles will find a way to win. Because do you really think the Lions can put together back-to-back quality wins? This is easily the most frustrating team in the league.

And One Prediction for Monday...

The Chicago Bears will remain in the playoff race as they knock off the Dallas Cowboys on Monday night. Jeffery is going to be due for another ratings boost as he scores two touchdowns as Josh McCown targets him because Brandon Carr is locked in on Brandon Marshall.

Did you know that Adam Rank won last year's Expert's League title? Oh that's right, it's like the only thing he ever talks about. Well congratulations, Rank. You finally did something. What have you done for us lately? Let's worry about 2013 and stop living in the past. Typical Lakers fan, am I right? Oh, if you found this useful (as if) check him out on the latest "Dave Dameshek Football Program". And follow him on Twitter, please. He's taking us to lunch if he gets 17 more Twitter followers today. And we only got 15 the last time, so step up fantasy enthusiasts!

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