The NFL trade deadline is Thursday afternoon, and let's be honest, it's not going to be very exciting. While we'd like to see deals with DeAngelo Williams going to the Green Bay Packers, or Tony Romo to the Arizona Caridnals, or Dwayne Bowe heading to the San Francisco 49ers, but it's just not happening.
So instead of wasting your time with some thoughtful, well-meaning trade possibilities that will never happen, here are six trades that must happen in the NFL universe.
And before you race ahead to say this is six minutes of your life that you'll never have back, then complain about how you thought this was going to be a serious piece (because that's totally my style ... in opposite land) and were duped, please realize that I wouldn't trade a thing for any of you.
And without further ado ...
Pro Bowl for the "Superstars" competition
Commissioner Roger Goodell has hinted at the demise of the Pro Bowl on numerous occasions. But we still need to have a way to reward the all-star players. So give them a trip to Hawaii and have them compete in a variety of competitions around the island. We can have sprints, a "Madden" Bowl and maybe dabble in some NFL trivia. My personal favorite event would be the kicker pool toss.
Joe Buck for Gus Johnson
Let me explain this one ... seriously, do you really need me to explain this one? If I do need to explain this, I don't believe we can be friends anymore.
Pro football overtime for college football overtime
There is no perfect overtime. But there is on indelible truth out there and it's this: College football overtime is superior to NFL overtime in every conceivable way. There is no argument. The difference between the two is akin to the difference between "The Empire Strikes Back" and Jiffy Pop popcorn. You can't compare the two. And if college football would be agreeable, I would take marching bands over in-stadium Nickelback any day of the week, too. But unless Hue Jackson is on the other end of the phone, it's going to be impossible to make that big of a one-sided deal.
Chris Johnson to the Jamaican Olympic team for Usain Bolt
Well, it's starting to become increasingly clear Johnson isn't the running back he once was. So this will give him a chance to just run and not worry about the Tennessee Titans' offensive line having to open holes for him. And NFL fans finally get to see what Bolt can do on the gridiron.
New York draft for a Los Angeles draft
The Super Bowl tours the country, so why not the draft? Or at the very least, get it on a short rotation to have it in Los Angeles. Hey, we host award shows and everything out here, I'm sure L.A. could roll out the red carpet for the draft. It might help serve as some goodwill for that whole, you know, not giving us a team out here thing.
Clippers/Albert Pujols to St. Louis for the Rams
In fact, we can fix that lack-of-football thing in Los Angeles with this trade. And if this isn't enough for St. Louis, we could make this a three-way deal and send the Anaheim Mighty Ducks to Quebec to rename the team the Nordiques. And Quebec can send St. Louis, say, Celine Dion to do a year of residency at the Edward Jones Dome, so that building gets some use. Win, win, WIN!