It's a mirror to society; hold it up like you hold your annual draft, and see what kind of people you really associate with.
Your boss might be a homer. Your second cousin might be a trade bully. Once they're in the draft lobby. Only through the prism of fantasy do we notice commonalities. It's like a science experiment, but you know, with football.
Here are the eight types of fantasy football players in your league. Time to find out who's who in your inner circle.
The Analytics Insider
Projected Win Total: 8
The Analytics Insider comes prepared; they start their conversations off with mock draft results, clutch cut-out draft articles, try to DM Michael Fabiano, and highlight spreadsheets after ever pick. Do they bring multiple highlighters and color code these spreadsheets? You know they do.
Projected Win Total: 6
Hagglers want to turn their somewhat decent roster into the fantasy equivalent of the Golden State Warriors. What they don't realize—what they never have ever realized!—is that you're not interested in trading Odell Beckham for two guys of their bench. This fact does not deter them from flooding your inbox with ludicrous offers and hoping against hope that you'll bite.
Projected Win Total: 5
How do Homers prepare for fantasy season? They go into their closet. They come out in full game day apparel. That's about it. Their favorite team is their fantasy team. Expect them to field a full team of Patriots or Rams or Cowboys players—and expect countless complaints whenever one such player goes off the board.
Projected Win Total: 7
Why bother showing up to the draft? Autopickers leave their rosters up to the Fantasy Football Gods to decide. Chances are, that person picks right before you or right after you, crushing your chances for any sneaky value picks in a fantasy draft. And they ALWAYS end up competitive, somehow.
Projected Win Total: 3
Someone forgot to tell this GM it's not 2009 anymore. He snags washed-up running backs, graybeard quarterbacks, and veteran receivers who run a 40-yard dash in five seconds flat. And they always pick Sebastian Janikowski as their kicker. That's just what they do.
The Non-Football Fan
Projected Win Total: 5
They don't get it. They're just here to "hang out" or fill out an open spot. Non-Football Fans don't see that fantasy football is what gets the rest of the league up in the morning; gets them through their work day. This person names their team after an English Premiere Team soccer club and will accidentally steal your top waiver-wire target after Week 1.
The Waiver-Wire King
Projected Wins: 9
See that guy at the bottom of waiver priority after Week 2? That's the King. You come at the King's waiver-wire list, you better not miss. Because this person will weasel your want list next week and make sure to set their claims up to destroy you. They also stash unsigned veterans and trade deadline candidates on the off chance a move triples their fantasy value.
Projected Wins: 1
What happened to Dave? He had such a great fantasy draft, but now it's Week 7. Half his lineup is injured. Two more players in his lineup have bye weeks. I've offered him like six trades. Is Dave still alive? Someone call Dave.