Every week of the NFL season tells a story. GIFs -- pronounced "gifs", "jifs" or "gee-oafs" -- can do the same thing. So let's tell the story of Week 5 through GIFs. There's logic in play here.
The Cowboys did pretty much everything in their power to not let Aaron Rodgers beat them on Sunday. They traded punches with the game's most complete quarterback for the better part of four quarters, then went ahead on a beautifully executed Dak Prescott option run with just 1:32 to play. Hell, they even had Rodgers and the Packers offense going into the sun on their final drive. (The weird late afternoon sun field is easily my favorite thing about Jerrah World). And in the end, none of it mattered. Rodgers needed just 62 game seconds to travel 75 yards for the game-winning score.
When you factor in Sunday's outcome and January's playoff classic between these two teams, how can there not be a seed of doubt planted for the Cowboys when it comes to the Packers? Forget seed, at this point there might be an entire garden outlined by mature trees and dotted with garden gnomes. And the wind whispers through the willows, S*, we're never gonna to beat this guy."
OK, OK, we're all excited that Davante Adams caught the game-winning touchdown pass. But this man was in the hospital with a head injury eight days ago. Please refrain from standard celebratory helmet smacks.
As a Jets fan, I am fully aware that this three-game winning streak is pretty much the worst thing that could have happened to the organization from a longterm perspective. At 3-2, the #ScamForSam is effectively over before the leaves have turned color. Meanwhile, the Giants are 0-5 and have a far better chance of landing one of the prominent quarterbacks from the upcoming draft class. This, of course, would be the most Jets thing to ever happen.
Even still, I've enjoyed this pressure- and humiliation-free Jets season. It's never easy being a fan of this team, but the offseason was particularly grim, what with all the roster gutting and internet jokes and Hackenberg updates and dark projections of a historic level of ineptitude. If you are old enough to have lived through the Rich Kotite Era, you know you never want to go back. The Jets might hurt themselves in the macro sense with these victories, but it's just as well. As a fan, I didn't have the stomach for what needed to be done.
This is how I imagine Ben Roethlisberger would react if you cornered him at a local sandwich shop on Monday and told him that he's single-handedly ruining your fantasy team.
And here's how I imagine Big Ben would react once you -- unsatisfied by Roethlisberger's seemingly nonplussed reaction -- stormed out the sandwich shop, leaving the veteran passer alone with a cold meatball sandwich ... and his thoughts: "That unhinged maniac is right. I really am letting everybody down. I'm so disappointed in myself right now." This is a sad scene at the local strip mall.
There's that dude from all the commercials completing a pass to Reggie Wayne on Peyton Manning Day in Indianapolis.These pitch-and-catch routines have become fairly commonplace in retirement ceremonies involving a famous quarterback, and I just want to say I respect it. The stakes are way higher than, say, throwing out a first pitch in baseball. What if Manning choked and threw one of his late-period ducks that fell seven yards of the goal line? We're talking Curb Your Enthusiasm-level awkward social situation. You might even have to call the whole event off and Saddam the statue. Thankfully, it didn't come to that.
Speaking of baseball, this is easily my favorite group touchdown celebration of the NFL season. Brilliant coordination, great timing given the start of the MLB playoffs, and I love Carson Wentz as the home-plate umpire. It's the subtle touches that make these things sings. Two minor critiques: 1) Nelson Algohor's throwing motion leaves much to be desired -- it's never good when you make me think of Tom Cruise playing catch in War of the Worlds. 2) The key to a 21st century dinger celebration is the bat flip. You gotta flip that ball like Jose Bautista!
What's more sad than a mascot in the rain? Nothing. I just want to take a second to give a shout-out to the professional sports mascot. This is not an occupation your dad from the coal mine is likely to ever understand. So the next time you're at a major sporting event and you are tempted to belittle the costumed adult, just know there's a person in there who probably has a strained relationship with their father. Sometimes it rains on the outside, but it's always raining under the mask. I hope I didn't just give Zach Braff an idea for his comeback vehicle.
Until next week ...