Before we get to the Week 11 games, lemme address the dawn of the Color Rush real quick.
They say there's no accounting for taste, but they are wrong. As our society's Accountant of Taste (and self-appointed Uniform Monitor), I take uniform failures (like the ones we've seen the last two Thursday nights) very seriously. And instead of pointing fingers, I must accept the blame. As I once told my high school friend Peter, with great power comes great responsibility.
Now, listen: It was undoubtedly dreadful ... but the worst ever? Nah. Not even the worst of this century.
To wit, here are five matchups I rate below what we suffered through this week:
Kansas City Chiefs at Arizona Cardinals -- Week 14, 2014
Mess with the tint on your tube all you want. The only real solution is a black & white TV.
Seattle Seahawks v New England Patriots -- Super Bowl XLIX
In what was one of the great Super Bowls ever, credit both teams for generating just enough excitement to overcome the dreary drab of all that navy blue.
Minnesota Vikings at Baltimore Ravens -- Week 14, 2013
Sorry, Big Purple: Even if you love Barney, Prince and the Grimace, there still can be too much of a good thing.
Chicago Bears at Seattle Seahawks -- Week 3, 2009
Sorry to bring the Bears' handsome getups into this mess. They're mere collateral damage. (I think the expressions on the faces of T.J. Houshmandzadeh & Nate Burleson here reflect the world's feelings.)
Cincinnati Bengals at Tampa Bay Buccaneers -- Week 13, 2014
All those citations said, Thursday night was a visual apocalypse. Not as outrageous as, say, a Nashville mom and her young daughter being forced to witness a football player showing joy on a football field ... but discomfiting nonetheless.
I promise to do better going forward. I simply have no choice.
For now, though, let's get to the Week 11 games.
WARNING: Do NOT continue reading if you don't want to know the final scores of the Week 11 games.
(1-0 this week, 8-6 last week, 89-58 on the season)
F. Gore: 120 yds, TD
M. Ryan: 350 yds, 4 TDs
B. Osweiler: 2 TDs, 2 INTs
J. Cutler: 2 TDs, 2 INTs
T. Gurley: 130 yds, 2 TDs
BAL TEs: 2 TDs
K. Cousins: 3 INTs
J. Stewart: 90 yds, TD
A Cooper: 125 rec yds, TD
A. Abdullah: 150 yds/scrimmage, 2 TDs
NYJ D: 7 sacks
HOU D: 6 sacks
D. Bryant: 140 yds, 2 TDs
J. Landry: 120 yds, 1 TD
J. Winston: 2 TDs, 3 INTs
M. Sanchez: 0 bum fumbles
J. Maclin: 105 yds, 1 TD
D. Woodhead: 100 yds/scrimmage, 1 TD
R. Rodgers: 50-yd TD
K. Rudolph: 20-yd TD
B. Gabbert: 4 turnovers
J. Graham: 95 yds, 2 TDs
A. Dalton: 1 TD, 3 INT
Jo. Brown: 70-yd TD pass
R. Woods: 55-yd TD rec
R. Gronkowski: 120 yds, TD
Enjoy Week 11! I hope your team wins (unless they're playing my team).