In addition, we are shining the white-hot light of shame on those players who were lowlights in your fantasy lineup in this space each week.
Just remember, players: Don't get angry if you read your name here. Ultimately, I didn't do this to you ... you did this to you. Let it begin!
No. 5 - Michael Turner (11 carries, 32 yards, 3.2 fantasy points)
No. 4 - Matt Stafford (355 yards but 3 picks, 1 TD and only 12.5 fantasy points)
Glass half-full perspective: Stafford salvaged his day (and his team's) with a last-minute TD pass. Glass half-empty perspective: you didn't draft him in the first or second round to throw just one TD pass per game. Uh-oh, the Niners D just smashed the glass on the floor. Better skip Stafford in Week 2 if you have anything halfway respectable at QB.
No. 3 - Mike Vick (317 pass yards, 32 rushing, 2 TD, 4 picks, 15.88 fantasy points)
The yardage and two TDs were just fine, the four picks were woeful ... but maybe Cleveland's defense isn't too bad. Stop laughing! Seriously, it could be true! I said stop … ah, who am I kidding? It was a bad day for Vick … but I guarantee he will validate your confidence in him over the course of the season. Maybe.
Think Week 1 was just a little bump in the road? Think again. Even if Johnson runs better going forward, Jake Locker will be stealing the goal line TDs all season long (and next season, too). Wear it well, CJ2K.
Week Two is fast approaching. C'mon, NFLers: try not to embarrass yourselves.