This might have to be my final Monday Nightmare. I started this column years ago because I sat here and complained endlessly about a loss because Brett Favre went into overtime and beat my team with a touchdown to Antonio Freeman. He might have also beat the Broncos, too. But nobody cares about that.
I felt like I was the only one who suffered crippling defeat on Monday night, but it turns out I wasn't alone. Many of you are also tormented on Monday in fantasy. So we started this little support group called the #MondayNightmare. Well, I think we might have a new member. Let's call here the new queen of the #MondayNightmare, Molly Qerim.
Let's let this tweet do the talking.
So there I was, minding my own business. I felt somewhat confident at halftime, up by like 10 or so points. Rodgers was fine for her. But I had Randall Cobb (why ignore him?), Mason Crosby and the Packers D/ST. So yeah, this thing looked like it was done at the half. I figured the Pack would start running the ball a ton. Maybe a pick six to seal this thing and we all end the night happy. Well, not Molly.
So of course Rodgers started to add on the points (while he still ignored Cobb) and things were getting really tight. His huge 64-yard bomb to Jordy Nelson really, really hurt. But I knew I was going to regain the lead after Crosby nailed the extra point.
Which led to this.
So I kind of just laughed at this point. I mean, what else are you going to do? It's hilarious. And I thought to myself, this would be a good end of the story. A three-year run as the heel champion of the NFL Fantasy Live League (which was known as the 'Expert's League' until I started winning so much) was going to end with a missed extra point. Totally fitting because fantasy football. I won this league one year because I had the Titans D vs. Money Smith and won on a last-minute fumble. Turn about would be fair play.
So it was all good. I even changed the channel and started to wage the Hashtag War via @Midnight. And it was a subject that was near, and dear to my heart.
Not bad, eh?
Turns out, though, Crosby apparently hit a 50-yard field goal. There's five points and I'm living after midnight again! And then the Packers allow another (expletive) touchdown to the Falcons. So now the Packers are in negative points. (I left the St. Louis FC on the bench because I'm not good at fantasy.) So I'm barely hanging on. We just need the Packers to run out the clock. And (expletive), how is this even possible?
And then Rodgers scrambles and delivered a stunner to my team. Molly is ahead at this point (as evidenced by the first tweet. Should have tweeted that out at the point, but I was killing it on the Hashtag Wars). There really isn't much hope. Maybe a field goal. But doubtful. So I went back to the jokes.
I liked that last one. I mean, I loved the Dokken tweet. But Welcome to the Jingle (Bells)??? Come on!
So poop. I'm pretty much out of it. The Packers have started to run the ball a little bit and have inched closer to field goal. And then Jimmy Starks makes a break for the end zone. And he's going, going, NOPE! He's tackled inside the 10 or something (I'm not looking it up). The PAT would have been nice. I mean, I'll just assume Crosby wouldn't get a second one blocked.
No such luck. The Falcons are out of timeouts and I think to myself, oh shoot, Rodgers will have to take a knee here! NOPE. He keeps handing the ball off and I'm like, this is over. The champion has been knocked off. The clock has reached zero. And Molly lives to fight another day!
But wait just a minute. There is a flag on the play. Apparently, there is one second still left on the clock. ONE. I mean, the referees could have just let this go to the locker room and nobody (outside of me) would have cared. Hell, I would have laughed. But the referee put one more second on the clock. The rest is history. Rodgers for the kneel down, negative points and your champion wins.
As a wrestling fan, I imagined the booking that would have come with this. Molly is the very popular wrestler. Super over with the crowd. Everybody wants to see her knock off the heel champion, who nobody really cares for. Just when the jerk gets his comeuppance and is knocked off, which would send the Madison Square Garden crowd into a frenzy (let's be honest, I would be super over at Staples Center or in Jacksonville, so MSG it is), the official at ringside noticed the champ had his foot on the rope. The match is restarted, the heel wins. And nobody is happy. Well, outside of a few fans in Oswego, Illinois.
So there's that.
And for you smartasses who will point out I scored just over 60 points to win. I scored 125 points (standard) in my League of Record and lost to my good friend Frank Hetland. A guy I told to start Jonathan Stewart this week. Because although I want to win the title, the job comes first. (And I'm an idiot doing idiot things because I'm a stupid idiot.)
So let's share in her misery here.
I kind of feel bad for you. But you passed your organic chemistry test and your Packers won. So you have that going for you.
See Molly, you're not alone.
I wish we could find the stats of folks who lost on that last-second kneel down. That would be kind of cool. Here's at least three. I think I saw one more, but my Twitter has been getting overworked here.
Man, I would have felt really good about going up against Ryan here. What a huge blow.
So that game wasn't fun for you at all. Because my guess is you're agonizing over that loss more than you celebrated that win.
That's the worst. People always say, "Don't draft guys from your favorite team." Well this is why you do! The double-whammy.
That's awful, man. Just awful.
Of course that happened.
I think I told some kid to start Cobb over Julio. Actually, I did. But the kid still won.
Oh man. That's rough.
There's injustice in the world. My League of Record team is so good. I'm really bummed about that team losing. Crushed, actually. So I can really empathize with you. Working hard to put together a great team.
Right? Jimmy Starks vultured a touchdown, too. What a rough night. I mean, Lacy was great. But this was a tough one, too.
So weird that during his holiday season, Crosby's extra point went Bing, right off the guy's hand.
It's not like it happened in the playoffs or anything. Oh, wait.
I wonder what would happen if a coach did that. If he ran a backup in to take the kneel down and then said after, "I just wanted to make sure Rodgers didn't get negative points for his fantasy team."
I'm not an advocate of removing the play. I mean, it's a statistic, so it has to count. I'm more bummed about QBs who get tagged with picks when it bounced off a receiver's hand. To me, we need to find a way to give winning QBs an extra five-point bonus or something. Especially pertinent for QBs who hand the ball off a lot during a blowout.
Congratulations to all of you who survived and advanced. Pour one out to those of us who will look forward to next year. Hey, it was a lot of fun. Now it's time to turn to my fantasy hockey team and scouting some baseball sleepers.
For the record, you can submit your fantasy questions to NFL Fantasy Live or me on Twitter. But realize, NFL Fantasy Live has 300K followers. Me? Just 14. See, the odds are better I will answer your question, so hit me up both via Twitter or via Facebook (if you're RG3). And if you follow me on Sundays, I'll quote "The Wolf" from "Pulp Fiction" and then it's game on! Although, it's tough to catch me on Facebook. Twitter is your go-to." Plus seriously people, I'm not taking your tweets after Midnight. I'm into the Hashtag Wars via @Midnight. I've started to mute people who ask me questions at that time.