Anyway, while I continue to mentally prepare myself for a 2-14 Jets season (possibly charitable!), here are some final takeaways from a fun evening at Kraft Manor.
1. The darkness for the Falcons will be never-ending
But damn, they've really leaned into this thing, haven't they?
I'll let someone else write "The Patriots are classless!" column, and instead focus on the reality of the situation -- specifically that the Patriots were getting run out of the building for 72 percent of Super Bowl LI. The 283 diamonds thing is a nod to the relentless effort and unquenchable competitive fire within, sure, but it also serves as a reminder that the champs got whipped for a solid portion of that game.
2. Martellus Bennett is a good guy to have at this type of event
Gronk's comeback managed to be sharp-tongued, incisive and nuanced, somehow all at once. Just kidding.
Solid Lethal Weapon callback in the caption.
3. The Patriots need to calm down with their watermarking process ...
Diagonal across the knuckles? Let's relax a little bit, guys.
4. Tom Brady went off the diet for a night
Everyone has the friend who reveals their BAC within a tenth of a point just by the look of their eyes. Tom Brady has those eyes (see the Mayweather-Pacquiao fight, every Kentucky Derby for more examples). And it certainly seemed like The GOAT had a few Belvedere sodas at his boss' house.
We've heard "One For The Thumb!" in various context for the more successful NFL franchises, but it is remarkable that Brady did it all by himself. If Brady ever joins an Illuminati fight club, he should absolutely be able to wear all five rings for his brawls. He'd never respond to his birth name, only Diamond Knuckles.
Tom is also known to dance and rap at these events. Watch him fly.
5. Rings are kind of a funny sports tradition
Know what I mean? Here's Belichick as the lead in a Breakfast at Tiffany's reboot. Ah, the big lug deserves it.