Our Digital Features Editor, Amar Shah, has never played fantasy football until this year. He'll chronicle his adventures here.
Sean Connery and doing your best
It's Sunday evening and I show my wife the thrashing I'm getting so far in my fantasy football league this week. I tell her I'm doing my best.
Without saying anything she goes into another room and brings me back a DVD. It's "The Rock."
"Remember Sean Connery's advice to Nicholas Cage about losers doing their best?" she asks.
I also recall I didn't have a date for prom, but I still managed to marry her. I accept her tough advice and pray that I don't suffer the same fate as 1916 Cumberland Bulldogs. She also tells me my jersey looks like a dress.
Somebody call Rex Grossman
My opponent, NFL.com Senior Editor Andy Fenelon, was being modest. His bench nearly outscored my entire team. It wasn't supposed to be that way. I came into Sunday with an early lead thanks to Anquan Boldin's solid performance against the inept St. Louis Rams. I even won a trophy.
However, my early optimism wavered when I realized I was starting a former Florida State Seminole quarterback. I should have reserved better judgment. Cam Newton was on a bye. I had dropped Sam Bradford and picked up EJ Manuel. I'm a Florida Gator. I should have known better. 4.78 points for Manuel. Even Bradford eeked out more. Somebody call Rex Grossman.
Yet, placing blame on my quarterback was the least of my problems. My running backs...well....stink. Doug Martin and Maurice Jones-Drew were my top two picks, but they've underperformed so far. Martin's rushed for yardage, but only one touchdown and MJD isn't even in the top 25 fantasy running backs. Roy Helu has more points than him.
If it weren't for Tony Gonzalez's vintage performance, there's no telling how bad the final result would have been.
Your team is horrible
The standings say it all.
I'm like the New York Giants and Congress. At the bottom and desparate. I took to the people.
No argument from me.
That's what my work colleague, friends, family and even wife tell me.
Now, we're talking. Sensible, smart moves. I need another running back option. I go for it.
I also pick up Rashad Jennings and Andre Ellington. I need validation for my decision. I go to fantasy analyst Jason Smith for approval.
Curb My Enthusiasm
Glad to hear it because this week I face-off against Michael Fabiano, fantasy editor and Commisioner of our league. Yes, commissioner. I joined a coup d'etat earlier this season orchestrated by our Senior Photo Editor Ben Liebenberg to oust him from his position of power in the NFL Desk League. You can't be an owner and commissioner. Wait, nevermind.
We were as successful as House Stark.
In order to spark fear in him I ambushed him with my cell phone camera like some TMZ producer.
He can smell defeat.
Jason Smith offered me further guidance to beat Fabiano.
Also, I discovered that even though Fabiano advocated sitting Brandon Meyers , he in fact is starting him against me.
Come next week, this losing streak ends. Or else, my wife swears she will make me watch "Ghost Rider: Spirit Of Vengeance."
Next Week: I discover The League, more trades and possibly start a winning streak.
Amar Shah is the digital features editor at NFL.com. He writes weekly about his first-time fantasy adventures throughout the season. You can reach him at @amarshahism. If you have trade or marital advice, let him know.
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