It was a good week for ...
3. Peyton Manning: Halt the narrative! Manning shook off a dreary start against the Chiefs to throw three touchdowns and help lead the Broncos to a stunning comeback win at Arrowhead. There are plenty of quarterbacks in the NFL you can safely count out. The Sheriff -- even in a diminished state -- ain't one of them.
It was a bad week for ...
1. Tom Coughlin & Eli Manning: What a disaster. Remember what happened in Dallas on Sunday night when the Giants just miss the playoffs. On the plus side, it did provide us with one of the more inspired Post front pages in some time. (Only in New York can a two-time Super Bowl MVP be labeled "The $84M Dope".)
3. Seahawks players: Their team is 0-1, they have to play at Lambeau Field on Sunday and they can't even warm up to their favorite music. The team's official DJ (this is a thing) recently told Billboard that he doesn't play songs from the rapper Future during practices and before games because Future (real name Nayvadius DeMun Wilburn) is the former fiancé of R&B star Ciara and the father of her child. The same Ciara currently dating Russell Wilson. Awkward.
This guy should live forever (if he's not already dead)
Simply an amazing way to kick off the 2015 season. My regards to his family if he's gone.
C'mon NBC. You're telling me you didn't have any other Dan Bailey head shots in your archive? The same Dan Bailey that has appeared in every Cowboys game since 2011? A conspiracy, I say! Al Michaels should use the end of this Sunday's telecast not to make winking nods to the spread (though I do enjoy that immensely) but instead deliver a respectful apology to Bailey and all kickers out there.
These guys are already dealing with the harder extra point gar-bahhhhge and the general disregard from 88 percent of their teammates. Cut 'em some slack.
Deez Nuts, Dez Nuts
Indisputable truths here:
- Dez is celebrating outside the locker room in his underpants.
- Dez can't walk well because he broke his foot about 90 minutes earlier.
- Dez abs cast shadows.
- The guy tasked with wrangling Dez when he goes into Maniacal Dez Mode has the toughest job in America. Whatever his salary is, he deserves double.
What the what?
There are leaders who are magnetic. Charismatic. Forceful. Inspiring.
If I was Marvin Lewis -- which would mean I'd have most of January off and get to keep my job forever -- I'd bag traditional film work for Dalton this week in lieu of intense study of Pacino's "Inch by Inch" speech in Any Given Sunday, the Dan Devlin pep talk from Rudy, and Billy Bob Thorton's tear-jerker in Friday Night Lights.
Because "Let's play fast, let's play smart, let's play physical. That's what they always preach," well, it just ain't gonna cut it. Then again, the Bengals did jump out to a 33-0 lead shortly after this interaction. Maybe in the head of Bengals players every Dalton pep talk is soundtracked by Explosions in the Sky.
Maybe. But probably not.
Here's another reminder that Aaron Rodgers is better than your guy
This is the best new commercial of football season
Kudos to the ad wizard who thought of the idea of connecting Verizon's backup generators with Luke McCown -- the backup-iest of all backup quarterbacks in the NFL.
Everything about the commercial works, right down to the yearning in McCown's voice. "I bet if they just had the chance, some of those backups would really shine." That is perfect.
It's a lot more than I can say about the rebooted DirecTV ads without our beloved Sub Rob Lowes. Hey DirecTV: We remember "Scrawny Arms Rob Lowe". Sticking us with "Skinny Legs Peyton Manning" for the next six months is neither original or appreciated.
We've reached Peak Browns
Imagine the roller coaster for Browns fans watching that play -- the final of a 17-play (!) drive -- unfold. "No! Yes! Yeaaaaaaaah!!!! Noooooooo. No. No. No. No. NO."
And the uniforms are bad, too.
"Never rat on your friends ... and always keep your mouth shut"
What The What?
"It came out."
Tweet of the week
On a related subject, free-agent wide receiver Wes Welker is learning some messy truths about infants and parenting. It's not all love, giggles and Facebook posts.
Quote of the Week, Part I
"I hope so. That would be great. There'd be a putting green on the White House lawn, Im sure of that."
Brady and Trump have had each other's back for awhile now:
I can't believe that's a real person. Anyway, Brady supporting a gimmick conservative reality star for president is his greatest New England troll job since that period where he regularly wore a Yankees cap in public. Tommy's got layers!
Quote of the Week, Part II
"I don't know. It's like a kindergartener saying something to a college kid."
Bortles' only chance of winning back the good people of Jacksonville (besides, you know, playing well) might be developing a time machine that allows him to stop Limp Bizkit from becoming the city's most notable cultural export.
Hero of the Week: Bus Guy
Oh screw it, this jamook deserves an encore. Make America great again.
Until next time ...