Let's face it: This is a cosmic doom sandwich for the ages. A quick exercise to illustrate my point: Close your eyes, get to a quiet place and try to imagine a scenario in which Griffin is giving a candid, soft-lit interview with Jay Glazer. In this sitdown, Griffin discusses how he got healthy, re-calibrated his game and led the Browns back to respectability.
Some sample dialogue in case you're struggling:
"You know Jay, coming to Cleveland was the ultimate blessing for me and my family. The people of this city embraced us in a way I never expected and Hue molded me into the quarterback I always knew I could be. Having Jared (Goff) on the sideline is in no way a threat or a distraction. He's more like a little brother ... or a best friend. Really, every start is a blessing, Jay. I am really enjoying this first-round bye, by the way."
OK, open your eyes. You couldn't picture it, could you? And you know why? Because you're not a) on drugs or b) on drugs that successfully allow your mind to navigate beyond itself.
My fear is that this is another Browns car crash in slow motion. That Griffin -- despite the amazing rookie year and special company with Hue The QB Whisperer -- is a progress-stopper. That Griffin's biggest contribution will be limited to adding another name to the back of that infernal storefront jersey.
Perhaps I'll be insanely wrong. But probably not.
Aa-Rod's close encounter
"It was a large orange, left-to-right-moving object," Rodgers explained to comedian Pete Holmes on the You Made It Weird podcast. "Because of the overcast nature of the night and the snow, you couldn't make out ... it was behind the clouds we were seeing, but it was definitively large, moving from left to right. ... And it goes out of sight and we look at each other and go, 'What in the f--- was that?'"
This reminds me of being 13 years old and watching Fire In The Sky, an otherwise forgettable film that included a particularly harrowing abduction sequence. Cowardly chills on this end. While we're here, what would happen if aliens straight-up abductedAaron Rodgers? Would that be a declaration of war? I kind of feel like it would be.
Now I'm trying to picture Donald Trump delivering the Bill Pullman speech and everything is just going dark. Let's move on.
What's Tom Brady up to?
And now, J.J. Watt and a former First Lady of The United States of America
Area man demands personal space in confrontational manner
I know a lot of people -- particularly in the New England region -- found this to be perfectly acceptable behavior at the coaches breakfast this week. To me, it's the type of thing Bud Kilmer would do shortly before forcing Paul Walker to get another pain injection in his knee. The BB statue isn't even up in Foxborough and I'm ready to tear the sucker down!
The Annual Meeting coaches photo is never not funny
» Rex Ryan's entire wardrobe is from the Sidelines Collection.
» I'm pretty sure the guy standing between Gus Bradley and Mike Tomlin is Lee Harvey Oswald.
» Hue Jackson looks like he's riding in Todd Bowles' motorcycle side car.
» It's cool they let Jeff Fisher sit front and center after losing his arm in that factory accident.
» Mike McCarthy could play The Mountain's body double on Game Of Thrones.
» Wake up, sheeple. What do you think Belichick was up to during this silly exercise? #classphotogate
Tyrod Taylor Thursdays!
Tweet Of The Week
Quote of the Week
"As long as Tom is around, he's a resource and we're going to welcome him."
-- Giants coach Ben McAdoo, when he was asked if he was OK with his predecessor, Tom Coughlin, making repeated visits to the team complex.
Hero of the Week: Eddie Lacy
Eddie gonna do it guys. Adjust your fantasy draft board accordingly.
Until next time ...