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Published: May 27, 2014 at 12:53 p.m.

Star Wars Mock Draft

Happy Star Wars Day, everybody! May the fourth be with you. That time of year when a play on words is an excuse to revel in our "Star Wars" nerddom. We've done the "Star Wars"-NFL connections for the past two years, so I thought I would mix it up this season. Since the draft is this month, this gives me an excuse to conduct my own "Star Wars" mock draft, based on teams' specific needs. And yes, if this doesn't get the 2015 NFL Draft pushed back to April, nothing will. But let's have a little fun. And please, rush to the comments section to tell me how much I don't know about "Star Wars" or the NFL. Seriously, I write that as if you already haven't done so. But let me reiterate, this is a list of draft picks based on team needs. This isn't a ranking of the best characters because that would be way too easy. Let's say we get into it, right?

32 Photos Total

  • 1. Houston Texans - Chewbacca 32

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    1. Houston Texans - Chewbacca

    The Texans probably could use a signal-caller like Han Solo, but they'll have plenty of opportunity to grab one in the second round. However, pair Chewbacca on the defensive line with J.J. Watt and there's no way you can get a pass off. His reach alone is incredible. And just try to kick a field goal with Chewy on the field. Chewy as a receiver in the red zone, too. There's way too much upside here.

  • 2. St. Louis - General Grievous 31

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    2. St. Louis - General Grievous

    An interesting choice for St. Louis here. They could go quarterback, but the main need is to protect Sam Bradford. So they add Grievous to the offensive line. His four hands will come in handy against the tough defensive lines of the NFC West. He could occupy two defenders at once.

  • 3. Jacksonville Jaguars - Darth Maul 30

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    3. Jacksonville Jaguars - Darth Maul

    You could say this team needs a little pizzazz and an infusion of life. But ultimately, Gus Bradley is all about that defense and a Darthmorian like Maul could be just what the doctor ordered. He's a force, and as the tape showed, you can only stop him through double-teams. Even when you think he's finished, he's not. He finds a way to go on.

  • 4. Cleveland Browns - Han Solo 29

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    4. Cleveland Browns - Han Solo

    The Browns need some stability and a little panache for the franchise. Solo gives them instant credibility, while delivering a boost to a fan base that has sought somebody to rally around for the last decade. There are some concerns about his commitment. Some fear he might only be in it for the money. But rest assured; he always comes through in the clutch. Something the Browns certainly need.

  • 5. Oakland Raiders - Darth Sidious 28

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    5. Oakland Raiders - Darth Sidious

    Sure, everybody expects Darth Vader to go here. I mean, have you been to a Raiders game? But let's be honest: Vader is going to have a hard time passing all the physicals because he's got no hand and he's basically all machine! So instead of Vader, how about the guy who trained Vader? And when you look at the Raiders' basic needs right now, Sidious fills ALL of them. At some point he'll be the coach and owner. And the team needs a new stadium? Well, as luck would have it, Sidious is having a brand new Death Star constructed. Best of all, since it's floating, he won't have to worry about all of those California land-acquisition fees. The team could play games in the skies above Los Angeles and Oakland. Done and done.

  • 6. Atlanta Falcons - Boba Fett 27

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    6. Atlanta Falcons - Boba Fett

    The Falcons desperately tried to move into the top spot to get a chance at Chewbacca, but just couldn't get the deal done. Fett certainly could come in and fill that void. He's earned a reputation for always getting his man. That reputation might not be exactly earned, actually, but he's a reputation guy and that's who the Falcons seem to fall in love with.

  • 7. Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Obi-Wan Kenobi 26

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    7. Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Obi-Wan Kenobi

    You couldn't believe the Bucs saw Josh McCown as the long-term answer at quarterback, could you? And for my money, nobody is greater than Kenobi in the "Star Wars" universe. He defeated all the big-name players over the years, including Maul. And honestly, he never really lost to Darth Vader, either (although allegations of throwing that match might have led to him being around at No. 7).

  • 8. Minnesota Vikings - Luke Skywalker 25

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    8. Minnesota Vikings - Luke Skywalker

    The Vikings show some patience and finally land their quarterback in Skywalker. Concerns about his bum hand are quickly erased when you see his accuracy. I mean, the kid used to bulls-eye womp rats for crying out loud. Skywalker is more than a once-in-a-generation type of player. He spans multiple generations.

  • 9. Buffalo Bills - Mace Windu 24

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    9. Buffalo Bills - Mace Windu

    The Bills could go in many directions, but Windu is the natural leader the team could use. He also just happens to be one of the baddest men in the galaxy. His attitude would be a welcome addition in Buffalo and his intangibles are simply off the charts. And pull up the tape -- he was dominating Darth Sidious until a cheap shot by Anakin Skywalker.

  • 10. Detroit Lions  -- Darth Vader 23

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    10. Detroit Lions -- Darth Vader

    Actually, this guy's ruthlessness would be a much better fit for the current Lions. Sure, there are concerns about his health. Seriously, does the dude have asthma? But this is a great value pick for the Lions right here. If you look at the time he spent with Darth Sidious, he showed he can be loyal and is very coachable.

  • 11. Tennessee Titans - Qui-Gon Jinn 22

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    11. Tennessee Titans - Qui-Gon Jinn

    So much for the Jake Locker era in Tennessee. New coach Ken Whisenhunt finally will get a chance to choose his own quarterback for the future. Somebody who isn't Max Hall. Jinn lasted this long because he does have a little problem with authority. He was always quick to question the Jedi Council. So that begs the question: Will he be able to co-exist with Whisenhunt?

  • 12. New York Giants - Yoda 21

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    12. New York Giants - Yoda

    The Giants get one of the best values in the first round when Yoda falls into their lap. Sure, there might be concerns about his height and some of the other measurables. But nobody on this list has more fight, heart and intangibles than Yoda. He might not have a true position or fill an obvious need for the Giants. But to land him at No. 12 is too great to pass up.

  • 13. St. Louis - Anakin Skywalker 20

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    13. St. Louis - Anakin Skywalker

    Judged on potential alone, Anakin would be a top-five selection. But there are some nagging off-the-field concerns: Some fear he could end up turning to the Dark Side. But with the second selection in the first round, St. Louis could afford to take some chances right here and roll the dice on the immense talent.

  • 14. Chicago Bears - Jabba the Hut 19

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    14. Chicago Bears - Jabba the Hut

    The Bears need an anchor on the defensive line, so they grab Hut to bring instant stability. Hut will shut down the run because he occupies so much space. But I would wonder is if he's going to get the ball during goal-line situations.

  • 15. Pittsburgh Steelers - Jango Fett 18

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    15. Pittsburgh Steelers - Jango Fett

    This one just screams of a classic Steelers pick. One of the greatest competitors and the best at his position. He might not get all of the hype and adulation as some of the beings drafted ahead of him, but he's certainly one of the best value picks and would easily be one of the most popular Steelers.

  • 16. Dallas Cowboys - Jar Jar Binks 17

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    16. Dallas Cowboys - Jar Jar Binks

    Many of you probably speculated who would be the unlucky team to end up with Jar Jar. And while the Browns and Jets might have entered your mind, is there really any chance any team other than the Cowboys would end up with Jar Jar? This is the most Cowboysiest pick of all the potential beings, droids and creatures out there.

  • 17. Baltimore Ravens - Mara Jade (Skywalker) 16

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    17. Baltimore Ravens - Mara Jade (Skywalker)

    If there was going to be one team to bend the gender rules of the NFL, a standup organization like the Ravens certainly comes to mind. Honestly, based on talent alone Jade could have been the first overall selection. Now she's going to dominate on the Ravens defense for years.

  • 18. New York Jets - Wedge Antilles 15

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    18. New York Jets - Wedge Antilles

    The Jets could use more offensive weapons and there might not be a better person to provide the firepower like Antilles. Antilles just explodes off the film during his heroic runs at the Battle of Yavin and the Battle of Endor.

  • 19. Miami Dolphins - Admiral Ackbar 14

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    19. Miami Dolphins - Admiral Ackbar

    If you could identify the biggest need for the Dolphins, it might not be the offensive line, but team leadership. And boom, Ackbar immediately balances the mood in the locker room. This is a great pick -- not a trap.

  • 20. Arizona Cardinals - Bossk 13

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    20. Arizona Cardinals - Bossk

    Sure everybody raves about Boba Fett, and he's become a cult hero leading up to the draft. But when you really compare the tape, there are those who believe Bossk is much better than Fett. That Arizona defense just got a lot better with Bossk.

  • 21. Green Bay Packers - R2-D2 12

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    21. Green Bay Packers - R2-D2

    Teams might be scared off because R2-D2 doesn't have some of the lateral mobility you would want when you're looking at prospects. But his resume is just way too vast to let him slip down any further. This is such a Packers thing to do to get such a stud at No. 21.

  • 22. Philadelphia Eagles - Kit Fisto 11

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    22. Philadelphia Eagles - Kit Fisto

    While the Eagles were rumored to want to trade up in the draft and select Han Solo, the team makes a solid selection here with Kit Fisto. Fits an immediate need at receiver.

  • 23. Kansas City Chiefs - Sebulba 10

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    23. Kansas City Chiefs - Sebulba

    Is he a little reckless? Perhaps. Violent? Of course. But he would bring a little bit of an edge to the Chiefs, who can overlook such things because of his immense skills.

  • 24. Cincinnati Bengals - Greedo 9

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    24. Cincinnati Bengals - Greedo

    He has great hands. But the biggest problem is that he might be a little too timid. And if he's not too timid, he's a terrible shot. Which might be worse.

  • 25. San Diego Chargers - Count Dooku 8

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    25. San Diego Chargers - Count Dooku

    Scouts have said Dooku has similar skills to Yoda and Windu, so this is a great value for the Chargers, who at this spot still need a little punch in the defense.

  • 26. Cleveland Browns - Lando 7

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    26. Cleveland Browns - Lando

    The Browns got their quarterback early when they went with Han Solo, so why not a high-powered wide receiver to pair with him? Especially, one who has history and chemistry with their new quarterback? It's almost too perfect.

  • 27. New Orleans Saints -IG-88 6

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    27. New Orleans Saints -IG-88

    The Saints could use a pass rusher, and you can't argue with the addition of IG-88, one of the most skilled at his position. Sure, his frame might be a little lanky, but you can't argue with his production.

  • 28. Carolina Panthers - Biggs Darklighter 5

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    28. Carolina Panthers - Biggs Darklighter

    He's one of the most skilled at his position, and having come up with Luke Skywalker, this no doubt adds to his mystique. He becomes one of the leading candidates to replace Steve Smith.

  • 29. New England Patriots - Lobot 4

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    29. New England Patriots - Lobot

    The Patriots always seem to find a way to land the guys who are somewhat anonymous, but vital to the success of any situation.

  • 30. San Francisco 49ers - Darth Revan 3

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    30. San Francisco 49ers - Darth Revan

    The 49ers might need some help at the linebacker position heading into 2014, so Revan would be a great pick for them. He's like one of those small-school guys nobody has heard of, but ends up being the steal of the draft. (I didn't know how deep into the "Star Wars" universe I was going to go, but a number of Twitter peeps mentioned him, so he's in the draft.)

  • 31. Denver Broncos - Jek Porkins 2

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    31. Denver Broncos - Jek Porkins

    The Broncos kicked the tires on C-3P0, but couldn't handle anybody with less mobility than Peyton Manning. So instead, they go after somebody who could help keep Manning upright.

  • 32. Seattle Seahawks - Wicket 1

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    32. Seattle Seahawks - Wicket

    Sure, he might be undersized. But he showed unbelievable heart in the Battle of Endor. If there was ever a "Star Wars" character who exuded more of Pete Carroll's "Win Forever" philosophy, I've yet to find him.

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