Your fantasy team is going to suffer in Week 1
Well it's going to suffer if you have a lot of Packers who open up in Seattle. You would never, ever want to sit Aaron Rodgers. But that team in that stadium after hoisting the Lombardi Trophy and flying the Super Bowl banner? I hope the rest of your team is stacked.
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Jerrel Jernigan will be the highest fantasy scorer in Week 1
He's the sleeper you will want to keep an eye on this year. Jernigan looked pretty good at the end of last season, but should you start him in Week 1? Let's just say this. He's playing the Lions. Do I need to go on? Seriously, should I go on? I can. But I think you get the gist, right? I thought so. I mean seriously, Lions. Or as I like to call them #LOLions.
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Hakeem Nicks, however, won't do so bad himself
Nicks had a pretty disappointing year in 2013. Yes, I get it. That statement is obvious. Like saying Zooey Deschanel plays quirky characters. (Although my favorite Deschanel character of all-time is her turn in "Almost Famous" where she plays it pretty straight. Troubled, but straight.) But Nicks is going to rebound strong in 2014. He's got the Eagles in Week 2 (cha-ching), but a game against the Giants in Week 9 is going to be the money play.
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Eric Decker will be better than you think
But this is going on the belief many of you don't think Decker will do anything at all. That he'll fall deep into the abyss with Geno Smith as his quarterback. It's a huge step down from Peyton Manning. Relax, Decker had eight touchdowns in his second year as a pro in 2011. When Tim Tebow was his quarterback. He's not a No. 1 receiver, but he's not the curtain-jerker you're all pretending he is. Dude gets 1,247 yards and 11 touchdowns this year. The best part? You can draft him somewhat late because many of you will avoid him.
Knowshon Moreno will be the Dolphins top running back
The panic started immediately when Moreno signed with the Dolphins; there goes his fantasy value! Except we've seen this play out before. Most people thought Moreno was going to be a washout in Denver last year, and he actually was an effective receiver. Look, Lamar Miller and Danny Thomas have had ample opportunity to take the Dolphins' gig and have never done it. Moreno is going to do what he always does -- show up and crush it.
Aaron M. Sprecher/NFL
The Texans defense will be the D to own this year
My man Brad Evans made a great point today, one I strongly believe in, strength of schedule is a dicey game to play because some teams change so much from year-to-year. Look at the Chiefs and Texans last year. But this can work in your favor. The Texans won't be as bad as they were a year ago, so fire in on the team's defense again. Of course, this becomes an all-time no-brainer if the team gets Jadeveon Clowney.
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C.J. Anderson is the guy to have in Denver
I like Montee Ball a great deal; but I liked him as a sleeper. Now people are talking about Ball being a first-round pick? Great Caesar's Ghost. I get that there are not a lot of RBs available, but take a receiver in the first round before you throw it away on Ball. Besides, C.J. Anderson is the goods and he's going to be this year's Knowshon Moreno.
Paul Sancya/Associated Press
Giovani Bernard will be a bust in Cincinnati
Gio is another one who gets a ton of attention, but I'm very dubious of. Anytime somebody starts to tell me how great Gio is going to be this year, I somehow have his name switched with C.J. Spiller in my brain. Remember that? There was a dude at Fantasy Draft Week last year who took Spiller with the second overall pick. Don't be that guy this year.
Nick Wass/Associated Press
Robert Griffin III will rebound very nicely, thank you
Fantasy enthusiasts can sometimes twist in the wind. RG3 was the savior of fantasy football two years ago, now some have rushed to call him a bust after a poor second season for Washington. Well I have two words for you: Shanahan. That's one word, but it was two Shanahans and both are gone now. There's a new coach, a new set of receivers (DeSean Jackson and Dre Roberts) and a new logo he designed himself! Which is kind of cool, actually. So don't trip on RGIII. Let him fall to you in the later rounds and reap the rewards!
Matt Rourke/Associated Press
Nick Foles is going to make fantasy owners very upset
Foles was the rage for fantasy enthusiasts last season. And why not? His statistics were mind-blowing. So it always surprises me when I hear from scouts and other such NFL luminaries who tell me they still aren't convinced he's the long-term answer in Philadelphia. I mean, they brought in Mark Sanchez this season. So I feel like somebody in your draft is going to reach for Foles very early and be very disappointed unless... (move on to the next slide)
Matt Rourke/Associated Press
Mark Sanchez is going to win your fantasy league for somebody
... the Eagles play the Redskins in Week 16, with Sanchez as the starting quarterback. Somebody in your league will be forced to start him and Sanchez will end up with four touchdowns. Trust me, Sanchez is a deep sleeper this year, folks. Get on the bandwagon early.
Joe Robbins/Associated Press
Kenjon Barner, your “That Helps No One” POY
Frank Summers looks like the favorite to repeat this year for the Bills, but he’s going to get a strong challenge from Barner who will sneak in a few touchdowns this year for the Panthers. Seriously, if you didn’t see this photo, would you have known what team he was on? Liar.
Aaron M. Sprecher/NFL
Tom Brady will be back this season!
Of course that means fantasy wise. Because Brady was the thinking-person's MVP for the 2013 season. I mean, did you see some of the curtain-jerkers he was throwing the ball to last season? But Rob Gronkowski will be back this year. There are some better options at receiver. Tom Brady throws 41 touchdowns this year. Book it. But, yeah. Let's go on to the next one.
Joe Mahoney/Associated Press
Peyton Manning will throw 68 touchdowns
I realize that I'm never going to be as well-known or as popular as Louis CK. Not to mention not even as close as funny. I can admit that. Somehow, NFL quarterbacks have trouble admitting to their limitations. But I still have to believe that deep in his heart of hearts, Peyton Manning knows he's terrible in the clutch. He's not good in big games. So the only way to cement his claim as the best of all-time, is to break his already ridiculous regular-season passing records.
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