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Published: June 20, 2013 at 05:28 p.m.
Updated: June 21, 2013 at 12:46 a.m.

NFL Zombie Apocalypse

With "World War Z" premiering this week, every one of us will wonder if we'd be special enough to survive a zombie apocalypse. Could you help the planet survive with a rag-tag group of strangers? As you muse on that I can tell you this: I know which NFL personalities would survive "World War Z" and why.

10 Photos Total

  • ALEX SMITH 10

    ALEX SMITH

    Any band of survivors needs a leader, and Smith fits the bill. The leader is not always the most talented, but he makes good decisions and always finds a way to survive even when the odds are stacked against him. Smith can use the survival skills he honed in the NFL (staying a starting quarterback despite a bloated contract, the presence of a talented backup, and a small pool for free agent signal-callers) and carry the torch for humankind. That is, until his second-in-command challenges him for leadership of the group. (AP Photo/Charlie Riedel)

  • MIKE TANNENBAUM 9

    MIKE TANNENBAUM

    Following the George Costanza "they can't fire me if they can't find me" philosophy, Tannenbaum already is in a great spot to survive. After signing Mark Sanchez to that ridiculous contract extension, he ensured no team would ever hire him again, and he's already disappeared (He's a sports agent?). He'd be one of those "underground survivors" who the heroes would stumble on and find out he's been living by himself in a cave for decades. (AP Photo/Phelan M. Ebenhack)

  • RICHARD SHERMAN 8

    RICHARD SHERMAN

    He's a smart one. And he'll use his best abilities to adapt and live on as the world crumbles. Most people would want to fight the zombies, but not Sherman. He'll realize humans are much smarter than zombies are, and he'll engage them all instead in a war of words in social media. They'll play his game, and keep losing. It may take decades for a zombie to finally learn how to sign up for Twitter to properly engage him. (AP Photo/Elaine Thompson)

  • TERRELL OWENS 7

    TERRELL OWENS

    After all the teams in the NFL turned their backs on him, he would turn his backs on everyone else, so rather than fight them, he'd sign a one-year deal to play for the zombie football team. He would go to the zombie Pro Bowl his first year, but then, in season two, he'd start sniping with teammates and get fined a quarter of his brain. By year three, the zombies would waive him - but by then, the world could have been taken over by vampires and T.O. would be playing on another team! (AP Photo/Jonathan Moore)

  • DARTH RAIDER 6

    DARTH RAIDER

    First of all, like zombies are going to even try to mess with him. Secondly, who's getting through all that armor? And third, there's no human scent for them to find and pursue! It's the perfect post-apocalyptic apparel. (AP Photo/Marcio Jose Sanchez)

  • MARC TRESTMAN 5

    MARC TRESTMAN

    The zombie outbreak will spread like wildfire across the United States, but Trestman has an escape plan. Knowing full well Canada will close their borders to stop infestation, he'll use his Canadian cache ("You know, I did win back-to-back Grey Cups") and leftover Montreal identification to get safely back to the Great White North. He'll try to bring Jay Cutler with him, but the zombies will pick him off easily. (AP Photo/Charles Rex Arbogast)

  • CHARLIE BATCH 4

    CHARLIE BATCH

    Every horror/zombie infestation features a guy who you think has perished early on, but then keeps resurfacing when you least expect him, only to vanish again shortly after. Just like in his playing days, when you didn't know Batch was still in the league until the Steelers announced he'd be starting for Ben Roethlisberger for the next three weeks, Batch will keep popping up at odd intervals to help save those in need. "Who are you?" "Don't worry about that. Follow me now if you want to beat Cleveland - I mean, if you want to live!" (AP Photo/Gene J. Puskar)

  • DICK LEBEAU 3

    DICK LEBEAU

    Someone's going to have to figure out the best way to fight the zombies successfully, right? With LeBeau in charge of strategizing, he'll always find a way to expose the zombies big weakness - desire for flesh over everything else - against them. This is a role that Rex Ryan could have filled, but since he's stopped blitzing so much the past few seasons I don't think he can rely on a 'bend but don't break' philosophy in taking on a massive wave of the undead. (AP Photo/Gene J. Puskar)

  • ANDRE BROWN 2

    ANDRE BROWN

    Pop in a game tape of Brown's from 2012. Any game. He's the best angry runner there is. A horde of zombies approaching? He'll run through them and you'll marvel at the zombie body parts that go flying as a result. Hopefully, NFL Films survives the zombie apocalypse so they can capture some of these runs and put them to some awesome music and John Facenda-like voice-over. "Running like an overgrown child in a splash pool, the zombies lamented a futile effort to sink their teeth into his leathery skin..." (AP Photo/Margaret Bowles)

  • LAUREN TANNEHILL 1

    LAUREN TANNEHILL

    When the zombie infestation hits Miami, everyone will try to escape by sea. The entire city will do anything they can to ensure Lauren's safety. Ryan Tannehill will fall victim to the zombies right away - after all, you can't have a heroine who's romantically spoken for. In fact, Ryan will be thrown to a group of zombies for no reason other than to have Lauren single again. She'll make it onto a boat and believe herself to be the only one to have escaped the city. Then she'll look to the end of the boat to see Jeff Ireland there. And she'll think the same thought that every Dolphins fan has in the last four years - "How the heck is he still around?" (Steve Mitchell/USA TODAY Sports)

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