Ryan Fitzpatrick's future occupations
- Published: March 12, 2013 at 08:18 p.m.
- Updated: March 13, 2013 at 09:13 a.m.
The Buffalo Bills released Ryan Fitzpatrick just as the free-agency period opened on Tuesday. And while you never want to see somebody lose their job, especially in these uncertain economic times, we’re confident the Harvard grad with an economics degree will find work soon. With that in mind, here are some jobs he could easily fill in for.
That Ken Jennings has been a bit too smug over the years. It’s time for Fitzpatrick (who scored a 48 on the Wonderlic test) to really put Jennings in his place. He could start to make up for losing out on that huge contract with prize money, too.
It seems like they are having a hard time coming up with the next Pope, so why not Fitzpatrick? One thing, are there any rules about an Amish guy being Pope?
Writer for the Daily Show
Jon Stewart will take a sabbatical from “The Daily Show” and he will be replaced by John Oliver at the anchor desk. That means the show could use another writer and they really do seem to love those smart kids from Ivy League schools in the writer’s room. Of course, if they ever opt for somebody from the Harvard of the West Coast (Cal State Fullerton), like me, I’m also available.
Own his own vineyard
Many former players have started their own wine labels. Fitzpatrick wouldn't be blazing his own path, either, as he would be following in the footsteps of Drew Bledsoe who owns the Doubleback Vineyards and Wines in Walla Walla, Washington.
Or if he wanted to take the lead of another former Bills quarterback, he could take a cue from the late Jack Kemp and make a bid in politics.
The "Curiosity" rover mission to Mars has been labeled a success and there are plans for further missions to Mars. And forgive us if this is a stretch but Fitzpatrick is the son of a rocket scientist. And did we mention he went to Harvard?
Actually, Fizpatrick received his degree in economics. He could probably manage to jump in there and help a team Moneyball-2.0 style. His first piece of advice could be, “Don’t sign Ryan Fitzpatrick.”
Break the sequester
You’ve probably heard about the “sequester” but have no idea what it means. But in short, it’s a series of budget cuts to federal spending. I feel like Fitzpatrick could get in there like Charles Grodin in “Dave” and make some solid spending cuts and make Congress function.
He might not be ready for a program with the Rock or John Cena, yet. But Damien Sandow has taken the WWE by storm as its intellectual savior. But you just know he's going to have a split with tag-team partner Cody Rhodes at some point. Fitzpatrick could fill those shoes. Fitzpatrick could have a nice "bearding" rivalry with Daniel Bryan, too. David Otunga, however, might call gimmick infringement.
Quarterback for the Cardinals
Nah, let’s go back to the drawing board with this one. Nobody wants this job. Go ahead and tweet your comments @adamrank. And yes, somebody has already said “writer for NFL.com.” But good one.