Clinton Portis is a master of disguise when he meets with the media. And now you've chosen a new character that will make an appearance at one of Portis' press conferences this season.

Dr. Do Itch Big

(Winner: 38 percent of vote)
Ben Liebenberg/
» Occupation: Dentist
» Fact: Does his own dental work in the mirror
» Motto: “Cleaning up the NFL one mouth at a time”

The good doctor started his bicuspid crusade by enhancing the grills of former Giants DE Michael Strahan and Bills RB Marshawn Lynch.

Bud Foxx

(37 percent of vote)
Ben Liebenberg/
» Occupation: Ultimate Fighter
» Win-loss record: 0 wins, 17 losses
» Weight class: 115 pounds, but he weighs 220 pounds
» Finishing move: Cracking fingers

Foxx suffered a fast defeat at the (fully intact) hands of NFL researcher George Li to keep his winless streak alive.

Prime Minister Yah Mon

(17 percent of vote)
Ben Liebenberg/
» Occupation: Prime Minister
» Birthplace: Somewhere between Jamaica and the United States
» Fact: Running for President of the United States as an independent

Forget Obama and McCain. Come November, vote for this dreadlocked diplomat, who promises to lower gas prices by at least 40 cents.


(8 percent of vote)
Ben Liebenberg/
» Occupation: Environmentalist
» Education: Masters in Electrical Engineering from MIT
» Motto: “Off the grid is off the chain”
» Facts: Lives in a solar-powered green house and smokes a pipe

The Earth-lover's decision to step back on the grid to keep Rich Eisen caffeinated gave him a jolt from which he may not recover.
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