Ten steps to fully experience the J.J. Watt statement

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I'd like to share with you J.J. Watt's official statement to fans following news of his latest back injury.

But before I do, it's important you follow some necessary steps to ensure you fully experience the total scope of Watt's somber yet inspirational missive.

1. Quit your job. Get your finances in order.

2. Travel to the Hindu Kush mountain range in South-Central Asia.

3. Call your mother, tell her you love her.

4. Begin your ascent up the great rock.

5. Encounter one of nature's great cat predators, slay it, use its coat for warmth and its flesh for nourishment.

6. As night falls, build a campsite using only nature as your tools. Sit in front of a fire with a cup of bone broth (from the cat) and ponder existence and the nature of man. Incapacitate any intruders who infiltrate the site under cloak of darkness.

7. Wake up, complete your journey to the summit of Tirich Mir.

8. Look down upon the world. Breathe in the air. Process accomplishment.

9. Remove battery-operated speaker system from your backpack, play Rudy theme at high volume.

10. Wait until theme hits the duh-dah-duh-DAH-duh-DAH part and then, only then, read the J.J. Watt statement.

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