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Cheers for 2-point onions, jeers to Ragnar's plight

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Welcome to the Around The NFL End Around, a weekly look back at the world of the National Football League. Dan Hanzus serves as your guide.

It was a good week for ...

1. The Legion Of Boom: Star safety Kam Chancellor ended his wildly unproductive holdout, a decision that should provide a huge lift to the Seahawks defense. What was accomplished for Chancellor? No raise, $2 million in team-imposed fines and a pair of losses in which the defense struggled. Boom goes bust.

2. Two-point conversion enthusiasts: The Steelers converted twice on Sunday and Big Ben promises more to come. Maybe the longer extra point will produce actual excitement and not just more reason for kickers to be disliked by their teammates.

3. Darrelle Revis: Sure, the Jets overpaid to bring back their prodigal son, but his three-takeaway Monday night in Indy served as a reminder of the transformational power he still has on a defense.

It was a bad week for ...

1. Andrew Luck: Quarterbacks who have a better passer rating through two starts than Luck (58.9): Ryan Mallett, Sam Bradford, Brian Hoyer, Blake Bortles and Jay Cutler.

2. DeMarco Murray: The reigning Offensive Player of the Year has gained 11 yards on 21 carries in two games. Now he's dealing with a hamstring injury. I wonder if Murray wakes up every night like Axl Rose in the "November Rain" video.

3. Drew Brees: I'm sure the Saints' season will get on track with Brees throwing like a weaker-armed Tyler Palko.

Long live Ryan Mallett

Above you'll find Texans quarterback Ryan Mallett mocking Cam Newton's Superman celebration after a fourth-quarter touchdown scramble against the Panthers on Sunday. The Texans were down 14 points midway through the fourth quarter when Mallett crossed the goal line.

I don't know how many more Ryan Mallett starts I'll get in my life, so I'm just going to soak up each moment like a sponge. This was Peak Mallett: A potent cocktail of misplaced confidence, rascal spirit and Red Bull.

Solid Hoge burn, JFF

This is a great way to dismiss #hottake criticism. Although, let's give Merril Hoge some credit: He's been wearing those comically large short ties since the 90s and refuses to cow-tow to the whims of Big Fashion. The man is an iconoclast.

Speaking of Johnny Football ...

What are you doing, Mike Pettine? Josh McCown is not what we'd call a must-start QB. We have a large body of circumstantial evidence to support this opinion.

Manziel has been far from perfect in his two games of work, but he's made enough big throws -- including a long touchdown pass in crunch time to seal a win on Sunday -- to warrant a longer look on a team under construction.

This move feels like one made out of misplaced loyalty. "Josh is a veteran, and he deserves this, and we respect that he's a hard-worker and BLAH BLAH BLAH ...". C'mon, go with the guy that gives the team some juice!

Here's a remarkably dedicated ballboy

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I am in awe of this Wildly Dedicated Ballboy. He chases after a sticky-fingered Bears fan like his pay check depends on reporting every loose football back the the team after the game. If the Patriots had this kind of dedication to ball security, our offseason would have been 88 percent more pleasant.

What the what?

Here's the saddest photo of the week, or perhaps ever:

It doesn't feel right sitting at home. This is not by my choice...I don't make those decisions..At this point it was...

Posted by RAGNAR on  Sunday, September 20, 2015

That's Ragnar (real name: Joe Juranitch), who served as the Vikings' motorcycle-riding unofficial mascot for the past 21 seasons. The Associated Press reported that Ragnar was asking for $20,000 per game over the next 10 years, up from the $1,500 per game he had been earning. If you include preseason games, that's $2 million over a decade! That's right, Ragnar, a middle-aged man with a beard who rides a motorcycle on FieldTurf, demanded a 1,233 percent raise.

Let me just give Ragnar the advice his agent should have: Swallow your pride, man. Go back to the Vikings, horns in hand, and ask for your job back at your previous salary. Hell, offer to take a pay cut! If you wait any longer, they're just going to find another unkempt, 52-year-old dude from Minnesota. Act now or forever stay on that couch in full costume.

The Redskins have captured the imagination of their community

Glad this is finally settled

I have no problem sliding Donald Trump into this space every week.

Smile, you're on camera!

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That's Colts general manager Ryan Grigson, pulling a 180-shift in body language upon being told that he's on national television during the fourth quarter of Monday night's disspiriting loss to the Jets.

The best part of this portion of the telecast is that ESPN's Mike Tirico is discussing the potentially frayed-beyond-repair relationship between Grigson and Colts coach Chuck Pagano at the very moment Grigson is obviously ragging on Pagano to an underling.

My guess at the conversation:

GRIGSON: How can we be getting shutout at home by the Jets? This is embarrassing. Chuck Pagano is a terrible coach and I want to fire him.
UNDERLING: Hey boss?
GRIGSON: (rolling now) "Look at me, I'm Chuck Pagano! I'm so awesome with my fancy headset and my windbreakers! I know everything and I think I'm the best and everybody likes me!"
UNDERLING: Boss ...
GRIGSON: WHAT?
UNDERLING: You're on TV.
GRIGSON: (straightens in chair, pretends to study advanced metrics) Damn it.

Tweet of the week

Matt Flynn is actively searching for a backup quarterback job to sustain his NFL career. Earlier this month, he sent out the below tweet after learning that he'd been part of the Jets' final cutdowns:

That is an incredible bloody mary. This week, Flynn had a workout with the Cowboys that proved fruitless when the team instead signed Matt Cassel. Foiled again, Flynn poured himself another:

Delicious. Flynn is unemployed, but he's hardly the hard-luck dock worker of a Springsteen slow-burner. According to spotrac.com, the former Aaron Rodgers backup has earned close to $19 million in his career despite making just seven starts.

That will buy a lot of high-octane adult beverages.

Quote of the Week

"It felt like everything was going wrong. When it rains it pours. I felt like we had a great week of practice. Just got out there and pissed on our leg -- I don't know what to tell you."

-- Lane Johnson on the Eagles' dispiriting and incontinence-inducing 20-10 loss to the Cowboys.

Hero of the Week: Giant High School Lineman

If you were the coach, wouldn't you just make this giant boy the quarterback? You're telling me there's any chances he'd have less than 5.0 yards per carry? How about yards after contact stats! Think of the YAC! He'd be a darling on ProFootballFocus.com.

Until next time ...

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