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Mailbag: Who's better off right now: Niners or Raiders?

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Dan Hanzus takes questions from you, the reader, and answers them in the latest Around The NFL Mailbag. Thanks to everyone who got involved. You're all in the news, sweetheart.

Probably not a popular answer, but how about Tony Romo? I feel like he'd have a lot of stories to share -- about Parcells, T.O., Dez, Jerrah, Jerrah Bus, unconventional rib injuries, Jessica Simpson, Carrie Underwood, the "Waiting All Day For Sunday Night" theme. The time would pass by real fast before the pulley system finally gave out and plunged us to our grisly demise.

Am I completely insane to say Robert Griffin III? I am, aren't I? He's going to be benched by Week 4, isn't he? Yeah, he is. Forget I wrote this, but my answer is definitely Robert Griffin III.

They'd both succeed at overthrowing a dictator -- by at least five yards!

(You set me up for that, so you're not allowed to get angry at my terrible joke.)

The answer is Mark Sanchez. Looks and SoCal charm can go a long way. I wouldn't trust Josh Freeman to overthrow my Mom's hairdresser.

I foresee no scenario in which the Raiders win eight games. Unless you're a monster Michael Crabtree fan (weird move), it's hard to say they've actually gotten better this offseason. Maybe Reggie McKenzie will have a good draft, but this still feels like an uphill climb to mere respectability. The Niners could surprise people. I wouldn't be stunned if they sniffed nine wins.

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180. UFC
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Eh, B-. Not the disaster of the Bucs reveal last offseason, I'll give them that. I think they would have been better off keeping it as simple as possible. Keep that as their thing. That's a cool thing! Here's another take from colleague, friend and hapless Browns fan, Marc Sessler:

I'm fine with the new duds. The orange-on-orange is, well, outrageous, but the various combinations of white and brown work for me.

It was time for a fresh look. Did they nail it? No. But the Browns are in a tough spot. They're an easy target for the frothing masses on Twitter after Ray Farmer's texting fiasco, Jimmy Haslam's ups and downs and the shaky career arc of Johnny Manziel. Even their over-the-top ceremony on Tuesday night felt a tad desperate, but give Cleveland a break. They don't have much to celebrate. Finally hitting on a functional quarterback could make those uniforms look a whole lot better.

Josh McCown is all like, "Hey, I've lasted 12 years in the NFL because I'm a (big exaggerated air quotes) 'Functional Quarterback.' You're set!"

This one's easy: Send it to the Chargers as part of a deal that brings Philip Rivers to Nashville! The Titans desperately need a shot in the arm -- I mean, they barely exist right now -- and landing one of the NFL's top quarterbacks would certainly do the trick. Will they do it? Of course not. They'll stick with Zach Mettenberger (as was reported this week) and the whole front office will be loaded up with TNT by January. Eddie George is right.

If I knew that, I'd be sucking down smoothies in Chip's office, laughing about how much smarter we were than everybody else. If Bradford makes 16 starts in that scheme, with a good running game and an average receiving corps, I'd guess he'd put up numbers that were close to what we saw from Mark Sanchez last season. Maybe a touch better. Completion percentage around 64 percent, 26 to 30 touchdowns, 12 to 17 interceptions, around 4,500 yards passing. Don't count me among those who believe that Bradford, now seven years and two major knee surgeries in, is going to live up to his can't-miss draft hype. I think he'll be fine enough that Kelly doesn't come out with major egg on his face.

Um, the Seven Dwarfs of the NFL?

First, the options: Jets, Browns, Titans, Raiders, Redskins, Bears, Buccaneers, Rams.

Say it with me ... J - E - T - S, JETS, JETS, JETS!!!!! Rebuilt defense, new coaching staff, Brandon Marshall, Marcus Mariota(?). I think Gang Green is lined up for a nice bounce-back season. Full disclosure: I'm a Jets fan and I've been hurt many, many, many times before. I can barely feel.

Looking for a sleeper? How about the Bucs if they hit on Winston and the rest of the division remains in a down state.

I found Gronk's little bit with NXT (WWE's developmental league) wrestler Mojo Rawley adorable. How much effort went into planning that? I can picture Gronk hunkered down on a peach basket nervously going over his lines like Luca Brasi in The Godfather.

To answer your question, we've already had someone win both a Super Bowl and a Wrestlemania match. That would be former Giants great Lawrence Taylor (Super Bowl XXI, XXV, Wrestlemania XI).

Gronk's finishing maneuver would definitely involve his surgically repaired forearm. He could use the screws and other composite parts to his advantage, ala "The Narcissist" Lex Luger.

Finally, someone that's hit my football knowledge sweet spot. I would give this year's class of guards a solid B. Thank you for asking.

I say you should be banished to an island where your only source of entertainment is watching game tape of Blaine Gabbert, Akili Smith, Brandon Weeden and Browning Nagle. You're in the midst of a 25-year stretch of Brett Favre and Aaron Rodgers. You're allowed to be upset about absolutely nothing, unless it involves poor Brandon Bostick.

I am already depressed about the oncoming end of Mad Men, my favorite drama of all-time. It's like being a kid when you started to get super bummed out about summer being almost over even though it was only August 1. To answer Shek's question, it doesn't appear Draper has any heavy rooting interest in a pro team. There was a vibrant New York sports scene in the late 60s/early 70s with the Jets, Mets and Knicks all claiming titles. We've watched Draper struggle to adapt to the times (remember his inability to connect with "Tomorrow Never Knows" by The Beatles), so I'd think he'd struggle to form a bond with the Mets and Jets, two upstart underdogs of the day.

Then again, Draper himself was once an upstart underdog. He also hangs a Mets pennant in his office in Season 7, though that appears to be more a nod to fallen colleague Lane Pryce than a sign of his affection for the Amazins'. One other connection: Don once pitched the idea of Joe Namath starring in a television special sponsored by the odious Dow Chemical, makers of bombs and poisons during the Vietnam War.

My answer: Don would say he's a Jets and Mets fan, but he's really more in line with the Yankees of the late 60s -- a curdling former dynasty rendered irrelevant by a new generation. The Mad Men finale should end with Draper and Mickey Mantle drinking whiskey in some Upper East Side bar, asking each other why things aren't the way they used to be.

The latest Around The NFL Podcast breaks down Adrian Peterson's return and discusses the Cleveland Browns' new uniforms. Find more Around The NFL content on NFL NOW.

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