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Cheers to Eli being Eli, jeers to curious Kap columns

Welcome to the Around The League End Around, a weekly look back at the world of the NFL. Dan Hanzus serves as your guide.

It was a good week for ...

1. D'Qwell Jackson: Last week Jackson was on the last-place Browns. Now he's on the first-place Colts ... and has a new four-year, $22 million contract in the glove compartment of his SUV. This is a life upgrade.

2. Michael Vick: Vick might be approaching his 34th birthday and in near-certain decline, but there are no shortage of teams interested in his services. Does No. 7 have one more career renaissance in his bones?

3. Brandon Browner: Last month, Brandon Browner's lawyer said his client was planning to "sue the living daylights" out of the NFL. These things don't typically end well, but they have in Browner's case. He's been reinstated by the league and will be eligible for free agency. A real fairytale ending, heh?

It was a bad week for ...

1. Kickers: The NFL Competition Committee is discussing the idea of making the extra point a 43-yard attempt. Kickers aren't happy about it, and we kind of get it. How would you like it if strangers were actively trying to eliminate the easiest part of your job?

2. Champ Bailey: The long, inexorable march of time claims another one. Existential aside: What is the life equivalent of the late-period move from cornerback to safety?

3. Bills fans in Toronto: If you exist -- and we're not entirely sure this is the case -- you are bummed. Rob Ford will have to scarf his chicken wings elsewhere.

What the What?

Well, it's settled. Brett Favre is now a masked crime fighter in rural Mississippi. All he's missing above are Clark Kent glasses.

(Seriously though, what the hell is going on here? The Ol' Gunslinger is suddenly a character in "The Expendables.")

J.J. just wants to see you be brave

Don't get me wrong: It's crazy impressive that Texans star J.J. Watt can effortlessly and repeatedly turn over a 1,000-pound tire, especially when this is labeled as a "post-workout" activity (huge sneaky explana-brag move there).

But what truly amazes me is the music blasting in Watt's gym. How is this grisly mountain man act soundtracked by that infernal Sara Bareilles song? When did this become the national anthem of professional football? Who signed off on this?!?! Answers now.

Fun with pronunciation

With free agency just days away, it's important to know not just who the market's impact players are, but how to correctly pronounce their names. Take this from a dude who unknowingly butchered Mike Pettine's surname for the duration of his four-year tenure as Jets defensive coordinator. (It's Pett-in, not Pe-teen-ie, for the record.)

Because the Internet is great and stupid, here's some help with Jairus Byrd, the best defensive player on the market.

You should never trust me.

Tweet of the week

Son of Bum hangs some shade on Jerrah World! Wade Phillips is a living example of what happens when your wiseacre grandfather learns how to use social media. Well, mostly learns.

Never forget

Quote of the Week

"You never say never. I've always had the dream of playing two sports. If it somehow was a miracle that it could work out, I would consider it."

-- Russell Wilson, leaving the door open to return to his baseball career at some point. Wilson is a mortal lock to hit .248 for the Frisco RoughRiders in 2016.

Hero of the Week: Eli Manning

Eli catches a lot of flak for the essence of his, well, Eli-ness, but he's got a friend at the End Around. While we're here, the five best Better Than Ezra songs:

5. Rewind
4. Desperately Wanting
3. Good
2. In The Blood
1. King Of New Orleans

Villain of the Week: Curious Kaepernick Columnists

Colin Kaepernick must have been a real butthead to middle-aged white sports columnists in a past life. We've been down this road before. We were sent down it again this week by Lowell Cohen of The Santa Rosa Press Democrat.

I'll spare you too much of Lowell's nonsense, but just know this is how it starts:

"Colin Kaepernick is not an attractive personality. Usually he doesn't say jack. And that's not attractive. When he says jack -- and more -- he's even less attractive."

Cool story, bro. The column caught the attention of Kaepernick's mom, who buried Cohen on Twitter. Can you blame her?

Read Option(al)

"Ten best free-agent bargains" -- Chris Wesseling, NFL.com

The Scientist emerges from his lab with a list of under-the-radar flyers. Good stuff.

" Free agency primer: Top 10 running backs" -- Marc Sessler, NFL.com

The Sizzler breaks down a so-so free-agent running back class. Ben Tate, for the win?

Until next time ...

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