Welcome to the Around The League End Around, a weekly look back at the world of the NFL. Dan Hanzus serves as your guide.
It was a good week for ...
1. Eric Decker: Decker's Sunday: Woke up, looked in mirror. "Still really, really, really ridiculously good looking." Went to stadium. Caught four touchdowns. Showered, dressed, explained greatness to assemblage of reporters. Went home to 9.5 country music star. Sleep.
2. Russell Wilson: Teammates impersonate him to get tables at the best restaurants, Drake seeks him out like a common fanboy, and yeah, he just may be the future face of the NFL. Not bad for a second baseman.
3. Nick Foles: Though the MVP talk is patently ridiculous (PEYTON MANNING IS ON PACE FOR 55 TOUCHDOWNS, EARTH), there's no denying Foles is having a special season. No wonder Chip Kelly has installed Foles as his quarterback through the 3013 season.
It was a bad week for ...
1. Gary Kubiak: Kubiak is out of a job, fired one day after the Texans lost to the Jaguars on Thursday night. Being the first coach to get canned during the season can't feel good, but at least Kubiak still has the hairline of a 22year old. Seriously, look at that gorgeous observation deck!
2. Mike Tomlin: As you may have heard, the Steelers coach was fined $100,000 for his sideline antics on Thanksgiving. Forbes Magazine recently listed Tomlin's salary at $5.75 million, which means his fine is approximately two percent of his salary. Still a bad a week, but not that bad.
3. NFL in Canada: The Falcons-Bills game drew less than 40,000 fans Sunday. (Rob Ford was there, though he stole a paying customer's seat.) Compare that to annual league sojourns to London, which are greeted like Oasis at Knebworth '96. The solution is clear: Give the people of Orchard Park their home game back!
What the What?
It's going to be hard to beat this as the freakiest moment of the NFL season. Was this the first tell that Moreno is some sort of aquatic-based superhero? Let's face it, the ocean deserves a better advocate than the ultra-lame AquaMan.
Tweet of the week
The only way this could be more symbolically dead-on is if a giant RGIII blow-up doll deflated around its right knee.
Quote of the Week
"It should be a league rule saying that a defender can not tackle a player by his penis. The most painful thing ever!"
-- Vernon Davis, who future historians will look back upon as a pioneer of player health and safety
Hero of the Week: John McClain
McClain, Houston Chronicle beat writer for the Texans, has not held back in his criticism of the league's worst team. It's very entertaining stuff, making him a must-follow in football circles.
He was like Jennifer Lopez in that "Enough" movie. It was time to take a stand.
Villain of the Week: Paramount Studios
The media onslaught for the "Anchorman" sequel is officially punishing my soul. As a male in the 18-34 demographic, there is literally no escape.
That's not to say I haven't enjoyed some of it. See the video above in which a fictional news anchor tells the NFL's probable MVP he looks like "a succulent baby lamb."
That's funny, but come on. It's just relentless. I would probably sign a waiver promising to see the movie if it meant I'd no longer be subjected to Will Ferrell invading every aspect of my life.
Which, of course, is what Paramount was going for all along. The machine has beaten me to the ground. Ron Burgundy is capitalism at its most grotesque.
"Game 150: A Week in the Life of an Officiating Crew" -- Peter King, MMQB
A neatly nuanced three-part look into the life of an NFL official. King bills it as "unprecedented access," which certainly appears to check out.
" NFL MVP forecast: Peyton Manning leads Russell Wilson" -- Chris Wesseling, NFL.com
As he's wont to do, Wess cuts through all the BS and gives you an accurate breakdown at Peyton Manning and the nine candidates who could finish as the MVP runner-up.
Until next time ...The "Around The League Podcast" is now available on iTunes! Click here to listen and subscribe.