As much as Bus Cook's "50 Shades"-like description of his client might tempt us to think otherwise, we must -- as a people -- face reality: Brett Favre is not coming back to the NFL.
The Ol' Gunslinger is done, trading in gridiron glory for life's simpler pleasures. A coach's whistle. A tractor. A nice-fitting pair of affordable dungarees.
Thankfully, Favre isn't totally off the grid. He stole the show during Super Bowl weekend in February, thanks to a well-conceived and executed "NFL Honors" appearance with Aaron Rodgers. Favre returns to NFL Network on Sunday, when he joins "NFL GameDay Morning" live from Oak Grove High School in Hattiesburg, Miss.
Favre was booed lustily when he showed up at Lambeau Field in 2009 as a member of the hated Minnesota Vikings. Manning, meanwhile, will be treated by Indianapolis fans as the beloved prodigal son returning home. Bank on it.