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'Old and tired' NFL storylines we're ready to retire

Credit the San Diego Chargers with turning Manti Te'o's fake-girlfriend scandal into a non-issue this offseason. In an upset of epic proportions, the omnipresent football media has concentrated on Te'o's on-field progress while ignoring the temptation to turn the "Catfish" storyline into a sideshow.

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If Te'o's veteran teammates have engaged in any form of hazing, they wisely kept it behind closed doors. Quarterback Philip Rivers has questioned why the scandal is worthy of the media's attention.

"I don't know what y'all keep asking about, I really don't," Rivers said via The Orange County Register. "The story is so old and tired that I would figure y'all would be moved on to something else by now."

Old and tired. I think Rivers is onto something here. In his honor, I am retiring the following old and tired NFL storylines:

» Mark Sanchez's opinion on where he stands in the New York Jets' quarterback competition. His opinion is immaterial. Also related: Rex Ryan's latest bloviating proclamations and any reference to "Jets West." This team is 14-18 over the past two years. What is this magical spell the Jets have over us?

» Tim Tebow's religion, speaking engagements, chicken franchises or other non-football minutiae.

» If a beat writer turns to the triumvirate of retired quarterbacks (Joe Theismann, Joe Namath and Fran Tarkenton) for a quick quote, it's safe to ignore the ensuing balderdash.

» The politics of Chris Kluwe and Matt Birk.

» The crossover appeal of the latest wide receiver on "Dancing with the Stars."

» Terrell Owens' fruitless quest to convince NFL teams that he deserves another opportunity.

» Anything related to RGIII's wedding, up to and including the registry.

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» Richard Sherman's manufactured rivalry with Darrelle Revis.

» Chip Kelly's music selection.

» The sad saga of Titus Young's latest arrest or Shawne Merriman's latest alleged overdose.

» The Minnesota Vikings' love-boat scandal.

» Any story insisting that a player is in the best shape of his life.

Follow Chris Wesseling on Twitter @ChrisWesseling.

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