Chuck Norris has shared his feelings about Tim Tebow. Finally.
The martial arts legend, Hollywood action star, random fact-generator inspiration and occasional bearer of very bad news recently wrote an opinion column -- a manifesto really -- on his remarkably deep well of feelings for Tim Tebow.
Seriously. Chuck Norris really likes Tim Tebow. He needed 1,463 words to express his admiration for the free-agent quarterback. It reads like he could have gone on for a few thousand words more.
Here's a taste of the essay, titled "The Ultimate Clutch Player":
"I've heard the so-called critics say Tebow has poor technical skills, but the truth is that Tim is a natural-born leader, an amazingly gifted football player, an inspiration to his team and the possessor of intense determination and strategy to bring any team to victory -- no matter what the odds," Chuck Norris wrote on WND.com. "One can improve technique, but leadership is innate. That is why I believe Tebow could be a superstar and legend in the NFL."
You need more, don't you? Yeah, you do.
"Tebow is a player who rises to the occasion and delivers big in critical game moments," wrote Chuck Norris. "He reminds me of myself when I used to compete in martial arts. I would spar with my black belts in class, and sometimes they would outscore me.
"Yet in the tournaments, I would defeat them. My students used to ask me, 'Why can we contend equally against you in class, but we can't beat you in the tournaments?' My answer was always the same, 'When it counts, I rise to the occasion.' "
As a writer, Chuck Norris is noticeably fact-driven ("In 2010, the first-round draft pick out of the University of Florida, signed a five-year contract with the Denver Broncos"), though he leans heavily on the opinions of others, including our own Akbar Gbajabiamila, who is cited as gospel in multiple passages here. Understandably, this is something of a life pinnacle for Akbar -- who ironically moonlights as a co-host of the show"American Ninja Warrior," which Chuck Norris basically is.
Things really get surreal (and that's saying something) when Chuck Norris turns his attention to Shad Khan and the poor Jacksonville Jaguars, the team he believes Tebow should be leading. Martin Luther King Jr. is name-checked at one point, because, why wouldn't an iconic civil rights leader enter the mix?
"So let me respectfully challenge Mr. Khan to consider these words from Dr. King: 'There comes a time when one must take a position that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular, but he must take it because conscience tells him it is right.'
"I know Khan, (general manager David) Caldwell and (coach Gus) Bradley have talked, and they know that hiring Tebow would be right --right for them, right for the team, right for the fans and right for Florida."
I Have A Dream ... that Chuck Norris never stops writing rambling manifestos about the NFL.
Follow Dan Hanzus on Twitter @DanHanzus.