The 2012 NFL season is over. The lights have been turned out (nearly literally during the Super Bowl), the last of the confetti has been swept out of the Superdome (thank you Chykie Brown) and it's time for a long and arduous offseason.
An offseason which only lasts a matter of days because the NFL Scouting Combine will begin in earnest in just over a week, followed by free agency and the 2013 NFL Draft. Before you know it, Warren Sapp will steal the show at the 2013 Pro Football Hall of Fame induction ceremony and you will already hate your fantasy team.
To get you ready, here are six bold predictions of the NFL offseason, based merely in reckless speculation. This just so happens to be my specialty.
And without further ado ...
Bengals sign Reggie Bush and Mike Wallace
The Bengals have a ton of cap space and I can't help but think of the words of Lyle Lanley who said, "A town with money is a little like the mule with the spinning wheel. No one knows how he got it and danged if he knows how to use it." So the Bengals make a splash with Bush and Wallace. Bush is actually a great fit for Red Dalton out of the backfield and Wallace will be extra motivated for two games a year.
Dolphins sign Greg Jennings and Wes Welker
The Dolphins are also flush with cash and in an attempt to recreate the Marks Brothers Miami goes for two of the biggest free agents out there. Jennings has long been rumored to be on the Dolphins' short list. But when Welker is let go by the Patriots (don't act surprised, the Patriots aren't a sentimental bunch), the Dolphins will look to right one of their biggest roster wrongs in recent years. Yes, because that always works.
Star Lotulelei wins the NFL Scouting Combine
The big man from Utah kind of fell off the radar last year as the Utes struggled and failed to make a bowl game. Lotulelei didn't make many highlight reels because teams absorbed him with double teams. But once he's allowed to show his skills at the NFL Scouting Combine, he's going to rocket up draft boards. He should go in the top five.
Chiefs go with Luke Joeckel
Despite speculation the Chiefs will go with Geno Smith, they end up with the Texas A&M left tackle. But don't breathe a sigh of relief, Matt Cassel. The Chiefs will find their QB in the second round with E.J. Manuel (who certainly won't mind playing for Andy Reid). In case you're wondering, the Cardinals don't draft Smith (he goes No. 8 to Buffalo), and the Birds end up with Matt Barkley in the second round.
We suffer from RGIII comeback fatigue
Get ready to hear this a lot in the coming months, "Up next, an update on RGIII's rehab." I'm not saying it's going to make us long for Brett Favre to make a return or something (sorry to cause flashbacks, Scott Hanson) but we're going to hear about RGIII. A lot. I say he's ready for Week 1.
And some bonus QB predictions (I'm pretty giving, no?), Alex Smith ends up in Cleveland with Norv Turner, Matt Flynn stays in Seattle and Michael Vick is
your new quarterback of the Cardinalsgoing to stick with the Eagles! (Didn't take long for one of those picks to blow up. Awesome.)
Now everybody thinks they're elite
Eli Manning and Joe Flacco won Super Bowls after they claimed to be elite quarterbacks, so now all of the mid-card QBs like Jay Cutler, Tony Romo and Matthew Stafford all try to tell reporters that they too, are top quarterbacks. Christian Ponder considered it, but then said to himself, "Who the (expletive) am I kidding" as he texted Adrian Peterson to see if he could get him anything.