The Super Bowl party has become one of the biggest social events on the calendar. A party up there in stature and anticipation like parties for New Year's Eve, Halloween and WrestleMania.
And since many of you don't bother to read this far and just skip to the list, much like how you will make a b-line to the beer fridge at the party, let's just get to it.
And without further ado ...
Just because this guy's team was eliminated by Halloween is no reason for him not to say why these two teams are terrible. You know, the two teams playing in the Super Bowl. Get ready for three hours of why his team will be playing in the game next year. Just nod your head and say, "Yeah, it sure does sound like next year is going to be the year for the Cowboys." "Yeah, the Raiders will be awesome with Johnny Football."
Every time Eric Decker does something great, this guy will be quick to tell you he didn't bail on Decker after he was shut-out in Week 1 and rode him to fantasy victory! Or drone on about how Matt Prater's record-breaking field goal won the title. What's worse, this guy will likely show up with his fantasy football trophy and make you pose with him. Kind of like this.
I'm just here for the commercials
At least one party guest will take great pride in the fact he doesn't watch football and revel in his ignorance. And why he's at a Super Bowl party, I have no idea. He's also the (expletive) who becomes annoyed if you talk during the commercials (it's the best part!) and can't understand why you went outside to smoke during the halftime show. He's guaranteed to root for the team you don't want to win, too.
The misguided know it all
You can't miss this guy because he's going to talk louder than the TV, no matter how many times you continue to increase the volume. Best of all, most of his statements will be wrong. He'll say things like, "I loved Ronald Wilson (sic) when he played at Minnesota." Sure you did. He'll often feel like he has to talk down to the women folk, most of whom has a better understanding of the NFL and will gleefully point out Russell played at Wisconsin and N.C. State, not Minnesota. That moment will probably be the highlight of your day.
Look who just got a brand new T-shirt from NFL Shop! But you can tell he isn't a real hardcore fan by the surprise on their face when you say Peyton Manning actually started his career with the Indianapolis Colts. Get ready to be stunned, but this person is also likely a fan of the Yankees, Celtics and John Cena. Avoid this person.
This person loves the team, or at least that's the conclusion we can draw from the back tattoo. So why and the hell are they here? Hardcore fans are no fun because if their team loses, we all lose. Most of us just want to sit around, enjoy the game and maybe crack a few jokes. You can't do that if you have one hardcore fan there. You have to root for their team, or your life is miserable. And if there are hardcore fans from both teams, it's even worse.
So don't worry diehard fan, we'll smooth things out with your spouse (who is likely making you go). You just sit home and enjoy the game.